Chapter 14 - Dreams

Emily smiled, her thumb brushing along my jawline, and my heart did this weird flip, like it couldn’t figure out whether to race or stop altogether. “We have the rest of our lives to figure this out,” she said softly, her words landing like a balm on my chaotic thoughts. Say that again. A million more times.

I let out a laugh: soft, awkward, and maybe a little giddy. My cheeks burned as I fumbled with the zipper of my suit, more out of nervous habit than anything else. “Yeah. I got you.” I was a mess, but it felt... good. A good mess. “I’m glad we did this,” I murmured, my lips brushing against her hair. Her scent clung to me, sweet and warm, and I knew it was something I’d never forget.

Emily nodded, resting her head on my shoulder. “I feel the same way,” she said, and then her voice took on this playful edge as she looked up at me. “And now, you belong to me.”

I blinked, her words hitting me sideways. What the hell does that mean? My laugh came out soft, but I could feel the heat rising in my face again. “I guess I do,” I said, still feeling unsteady, like I was walking on uneven ground. But I didn’t mind. Actually, I liked it. A lot. I was hers, and that realization settled over me like a weird kind of relief.

Emily’s arms tightened around me, pulling me closer, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. “You have no idea how happy you make me,” she whispered into my ear, her breath sending a jolt right through me, and I could feel my body responding to her like a puppet on a string. She pressed a light kiss against the curve of my ear, her lips warm and lingering, and then that damn hand went down there, again, and I felt hot. “You know,” she added, “You got pretty excited down there.” She had to do that, didn’t she? Just a little teasing, just to make sure that I would not, you know, get over it.

My face felt warm, because yeah, I did, and then my thumb traced the outline of her perky nipples, and I swear, I almost blacked out. “Hey,” I said softly, my voice a little shaky. “You got pretty excited yourself.” We could both feel this, and I knew it, and maybe that was a good thing. “We can take this at our own pace.” I needed a second, and also, I wanted more, right now, and I hated her for making me feel like this, and I wanted her more than ever.

Emily let out a nervous laugh, leaning back into me to hide the growing warmth in her face, and that was cute. “You’re really bad at taking hints, you know that?” she said, her tone light but edged with something deeper, and I wondered if that ‘something deeper’ was love, or was it just a physical thing? She rested her head back on my shoulder, “Like back at that portal, the Dust Enclave.”

I frowned slightly, caught off guard and completely thrown off my train of thought, and then, that jealous memory went off. “The Dust Enclave?” What the hell was she talking about?

“Level 54 portal, in Mars,” Emily said, her words deliberate now, and then I remembered her, that girl. “That girl you tried to ask out. You have no idea how jealous I was.” Oh. Oh shit.

My jaw dropped slightly. I felt hot and confused. “Wait, you were jealous? Of her?” I couldn't believe what I was hearing; my brain was short-circuiting. That girl was hot, but Em? There was no comparison.

Emily pulled back enough to meet my eyes, her own sparkling with a mix of playfulness and honesty. “Yes, of her. She wasn’t right for you, not even close, but you couldn’t see it. And the worst part was I couldn’t tell you why it bothered me so much.” And then she smirked, just like she knew exactly what she was doing.

I blinked, the memory surfacing with a vivid clarity that made me laugh despite myself. “You mean when she turned me down in front of the whole group? That was brutal.” I really did not handle that well, and I was still embarrassed by it.

Emily grinned, her cheeks still pink, which was really cute. “Brutal for you. Satisfying for me.” She bit her lip, her eyes sparkling, and I just wanted to kiss her, again, so bad. “I didn’t know how to say it back then, but… I guess I’ve liked you for a long time, Luca.” And her words were like a drug, and I wanted to hear them every day, every hour, every minute.

My breath hitched. “Emily…” I started, my heart pounding in my chest, and my palms were sweaty again, and I wanted to kiss her, again.

She cut me off with a light press of her fingers against my lips, and that made me want her even more. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.” What the hell am I supposed to do with that information? I was completely overwhelmed.

I caught her hand in mine, holding it against my chest, and I needed to feel connected to her. “I wish I’d known,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper, and everything in that moment felt surreal, and perfect. “Maybe things would’ve been different.”

“Maybe,” Emily replied, her smile softening. “But we’re here now, aren’t we?” and I suddenly wanted to make that our mantra.

I nodded, pulling her close again, unable to help myself. “Yeah. We are.” And that was all that mattered, everything in that moment was all that ever mattered. And also, I was hard as a rock. Great, I muttered to myself. Real mature. But Emily's confession about being jealous? That was...unexpected. And the way she was teasing me? That was driving me insane.

My fingers gently intertwined with Emily’s as we stood together under the soft glow of the Triumph of Darron’s interior lights, and I could feel that things had changed, that we were never going to be the same. Shit was heavy, and we both knew it, and I was trying so hard to pretend that everything was fine, before I finally broke the silence.

“How about we get some rest now?” I murmured, my voice low as I leaned slightly closer, and I wanted to kiss her again, right then and there, to lose myself in her again. “We’ve got an early start tomorrow.” Ugh, responsibility. And this damn ache in my groin.

Emily pulled back just enough to meet my eyes, her gentle smile, and her green eyes were sparkling, and my heart skipped a beat, like a nervous little idiot. “You’re right. We should get some rest,” she agreed, her tone soft but tinged with reluctance, like she was fighting with herself to not ask me to stay, and that was so damn hot.

We walked together to our cabins, me keeping her hand in mine as if I was a little kid, afraid of letting go of the only lifeline I had left, and the ship was so damn quiet. The faint hum of the ship’s systems and the muted glow of corridor lights surrounded us, and I wanted to break that quiet, but I wasn't ready yet. My heart was still racing, and I was a mess.

When we stopped at her door, Emily turned to face me, her expression open and unguarded, and I wondered what she was thinking, what she was feeling, and then I suddenly became terrified. She wanted to say something, I knew it, maybe invite me in to her bed, and that thought made my heart hammer against my chest.

“Goodnight, Luca,” she said, her voice sexy as fuck, and all I wanted to do was kiss her, again.

“You too, Em,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, even though I was internally screaming, and it was hard to do that when I just wanted to touch her. Forcing myself to step back, I watched as she disappeared into her cabin, and I felt a pang of longing hit me, like I had just lost a part of myself. The door slid shut, leaving me standing in the dim hallway with my thoughts, and I felt so lost, and so alone.

I exhaled deeply, running a hand through my hair, hating that she was gone, even if it was just for a while. A part of me felt like I was still there with her, still on the observation deck, her body pressed against mine, her lips on mine. And then reality hit: I’d been this close to losing control, to letting the heat of the moment take us somewhere neither of us was ready to go. It was so damn hard to remember that she had been the one to stop, that we’d both somehow managed to be adults about it. Both of us. And yet, here I was, my body still humming, my mind stuck on the way her touch had set me on fire.

Damn. She was perfect. Absolutely, maddeningly perfect.

I turned on my heel and made my way back to my cabin. The door slid shut behind me with a soft hiss, and suddenly, the room felt way too small. Stifling. Like the walls were closing in. I leaned against the door, pressing my forehead against the cool metal, trying to steady my breathing, trying to calm the whirlwind in my head. I’m a captain, I reminded myself. Not a horny teenager. But God, it didn’t feel that way. Not even a little. Get it together, Rossi.

Stripping off my bodysuit turned into a full-on battle, the damp fabric clinging to my skin like it was mocking me, reminding me of just how close I’d come to completely unraveling. My cheeks burned as I yanked it down and kicked it aside, standing there in the cool air in nothing but my frustration. My heart was still pounding, my body still tense, and I felt so damn inadequate. Not like the guy I wanted to be for her. Just... me. Messy, flawed, barely-in-control me.

I glanced toward the small shower unit in the corner, already knowing it was the only way to cool down. Or at least pretend to. With a sigh, I stepped in, letting the hot water pour over me. The heat didn’t help, not really. It just made the ache in my chest worse. The memory of her smile, the way she looked at me, the way she wanted me back... it didn’t make sense. It didn’t feel real.

Emily was... everything. She was the girl I’d been chasing forever, the one I never thought I’d have a chance with. And now she liked me back? Liked me. What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

The water ran down my face, washing away the sweat and some of the intensity of the evening, but not enough. My thoughts were still spinning, tangled in a web of disbelief and longing and absolute chaos.

That night, my dreams were a blur of Emily: her freckles, the way her hair fell in those loose waves over her shoulders, the way she smiled at me like she knew exactly what she was doing. It was driving me insane. Every detail was so vivid, so real, it felt like she was right there, her body pressed against mine, her confidence pulling me in. I tossed and turned, her presence lingering in my mind like a drug I couldn’t quit, leaving me feeling like a mess. I hated her for it, for the way she could completely undo me, but God, I wanted her more than ever.

The longing for Emily wasn’t just in my head, it was in my chest, my skin, my everything. It was frustrating and electric all at once, like a wire humming with too much current. The thought of pulling her into my bed right now, of walking to her room and kissing her until we both forgot where we were, it was tempting. Too tempting. And it scared the hell out of me.

How was this supposed to work? Months of travel, living in these cramped quarters, with every second spent fighting this pull toward her. And the terrifying, unavoidable thought: What if I’m not good enough? Her legs, her breasts, her smile, her laugh. Her everything. It was perfect, and it was overwhelming, and I was completely screwed.

“Just one day at a time,” I muttered under my breath, running a hand through my damp hair. The words sounded so hollow, so lame, and I hated myself for saying them. But it was the truth. It wasn’t going to be easy. I wasn’t naïve enough to think it would be. But for her? For us? Hell, it had to be worth it. She was always worth it. This is it, I told myself. No turning back.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, the cold floor sending a jolt through me, grounding me. With a deep breath, I walked to the small sink in the corner of my cabin. Splashing water on my face, I let the coolness chase away the lingering heat from my restless dreams, but it didn’t help. Not even a little.

I still wanted her. Still couldn’t stop thinking about her. Still felt like I was going to explode under the weight of it all, this longing, this fear, this need. I gripped the edge of the sink, the metal cold under my fingers, and stared at my reflection. Focus, Rossi. If I didn’t get my shit together, I wasn’t going to survive this trip.

Captain's log, I muttered to myself, a wry, shaky laugh escaping. Today, I almost lost myself. And I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. What a mess. I shut my eyes, letting the water soak into my hair, letting myself feel the weight of everything. What a beautiful, messed-up mess.