Chapter 15 - The Morning

Walking down the corridor to the galley with Emily felt like walking a tightrope, one wrong move, and I was going to fall hard. Her hand brushed against mine, lingering just long enough to make my heart stutter. Or maybe that was just my body, gearing up for something I didn’t even know how to handle. She smiled, looped her arm through mine, and leaned into me as we walked, and fuck, I was so glad we were doing this. I was so glad she was here, that she actually liked me. What the hell is happening?

“Someone’s in a good mood,” I said, my tone teasing because that’s what I do, right? Be cool, be casual, even though my heart was pounding and all I wanted was to kiss her again. I couldn’t stop the grin spreading across my face, even though I felt like a total idiot.

“Can’t imagine why,” Emily replied, looking up at me, eyes sparkling like they could see right through me. They were so damn bright it made my face heat up, and yeah, I knew I probably looked like a loser. She rested her head lightly on my shoulder for a moment, letting the silence between us settle, and I was trying and failing to figure out what to say next. Also, trying to stop myself from kissing her right here in the hallway. She was playing me like a damn fiddle, and I hated it. And I loved it.

Just before we reached the galley doors, she straightened, slipping her arm free and smoothing her hair in one of those casual gestures that drove me insane. I shot her a questioning look; I couldn’t help myself,but she just smirked, daring me to say something. And God, I wanted her so bad it hurt.

We stepped into the galley, the warm smells of breakfast mingling with the low hum of conversation. Most of the crew lingered in their pajamas, taking advantage of the slower morning pace. I was trying to pretend I was over it, over her, over last night, but let’s be honest, I wasn’t fooling anyone. Least of all myself. Emily had this way of pulling me out of my own head with just a glance, and yeah, I could feel her eyes on me. Focus, Rossi. Don’t let her into your head. You’ve got shit to do today.

Emily wrapped her arms around herself, glancing sideways at me with that damn smirk she always wore when she was about to throw me for a loop. “I barely slept last night. My cabin’s freezing. I think there’s a draft.” Her tone was casual, but there was something about the way she looked at me, like she was waiting for something, that threw me off. Why was she looking at me like that? She had to be testing me.

Nope. Nope. I have to focus. I grabbed a slice of toast, keeping my eyes firmly on the food, not her. I wasn’t about to let her pull me in again. Not today. “Huh. That sucks,” I said, taking a bite like I had it all together, even though my brain was still replaying last night on a loop. “Mine’s warm and cozy, I slept like a baby.” Keep it cool, Rossi. Toast. Breakfast. That’s all that matters right now.

The toast was good, buttery and crunchy, and I chewed thoughtfully, letting my brain shift gears. If her cabin was cold, she’d need another blanket. Or two. Maybe three. I could picture her snuggled under a pile of them, her hair messy, cheeks pink from the warmth. Cute as hell. Yeah. That’s what she needs. More blankets. Totally practical solution.

“You should grab another blanket from storage,” I said, swallowing my toast. “Plenty of extras.”

Emily stared at me, her lips pressing into a tight line, and for a second, I thought she might actually appreciate my advice. But then her brow twitched, and her expression shifted into something sharp. Oh. Oh no. “Yeah. Thanks for the brilliant idea, Captain Obvious,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I grinned, refusing to let her tone faze me. She’d be fine once she had more blankets. She just didn’t know it yet. “Anytime,” I said, feeling way too pleased with myself. See? Problem solved. Nice and simple.

But Emily? She huffed, turning toward the coffee machine with a flick of her hair, and I got the distinct impression I’d missed something. Again. What? She’s cold. Blankets fix cold. What else could she possibly mean?

Nope. Not going there. I shoved another piece of toast in my mouth, focusing on breakfast. Emily was messing with me, sure, but I wasn’t going to let her derail my whole day. Focus, Rossi. Eat the damn toast. You’ve got shit to do.

After breakfast, I headed up to the bridge, trying to shake the lingering buzz of energy that wasn’t from coffee. The FTL drive hummed steadily, the ship’s systems running smooth, and everything was… quiet. Too quiet. It was almost peaceful, but also unnervingly dull, and my brain was already threatening to wander back to Emily. Nope. Not going there.

I slouched into the captain’s chair, elbows resting on the armrests as I scanned the displays, trying to look like I had everything under control. Like I wasn’t already climbing the walls. Navigation was locked, power distribution was steady, and there wasn’t a single damn thing happening. I was bored out of my mind. And worse? I had this nagging feeling like I’d forgotten something important. What the hell was I missing?

Leaning forward, I stared at the power grid interface, squinting like it might give me an answer. At first, everything looked fine. But then I spotted a small fluctuation in the auxiliary reserves. Nothing big, nothing critical, but it was something. And something was exactly what I needed to keep myself sane.

I frowned, reaching for the console with what I hoped looked like deliberate confidence, but my hands were already shaking a little. Cool, Rossi. Look like you know what you’re doing. I hovered awkwardly over the controls, pretending I wasn’t second-guessing myself, and started tapping through the menus. I had to backtrack twice because apparently, I was still an idiot who couldn’t remember where the settings were, but eventually, I got there. And no, I wasn’t thinking about Emily. Not even a little.

The fluctuation wasn’t a big deal, but it bothered me enough to latch onto it. Adjusting the load balance would give me something to do, even if it was completely unnecessary. My fingers hovered over the controls, more awkward than I wanted to admit, before I finally started redistributing the power. Each input felt too careful, too deliberate, like I was trying to make it seem more complicated than it was.

The graphs shifted, the fluctuation smoothed out, and the system looked… fine. I leaned back, nodding to myself like I’d just solved world hunger. “There,” I muttered. It wasn’t anything impressive, just a tiny adjustment no one else would probably notice, but it mattered to me. Over the next week, maybe it’d save a few hours of energy. Maybe not. Who cared? At least I’d done something.

I rubbed the back of my neck, staring at the console like it might give me answers, but all it did was reflect how stuck I was. The routine was setting in, and while that was supposed to be comforting, it just gave my brain too much room to wander. And where did it always go? Emily. Her smile, her green eyes, her lips. What’s next? I thought, glancing around the empty bridge. All I wanted was to see her again, and it was messing me up.

The crew was fine, mostly. Ryan had been pricklier than usual, snapping at anyone who got too close, and Zoe? Yeah, no. Not touching that with a ten-foot pole. Those two were like magnets, attracting one second, repelling the next and it was terrifying to watch.

I exhaled sharply, pushing myself out of the chair. Sitting here was torture, and I needed to do something, anything, to distract myself. What’s Emily doing right now? I shook my head, trying to shake the thought loose. The bridge didn’t need me, but engineering? Engineering was always worth a visit. At least it would get me out of this chair before I completely lost it.

Ryan was crouched by the drone bay, a wrench in one hand, his tablet in the other. The faint hum of the room was broken by the occasional clink of tools.

“Hey,” I called, leaning casually against the doorframe. “Got a sec?” I needed a distraction, even if it was just talking to Ryan, and also, what was Emily even doing?

Ryan glanced up, raising an eyebrow, “What’s up, Cap?”

“There’s a fluctuation in the auxiliary power grid,” I said, stepping inside and pointing vaguely toward the wall panels, and it was so damn hot in here. “I noticed it earlier. Something tied to the drones’ recharge cycles, maybe?” What a nerd. I just needed something to do, something to say, something to distract myself with.

Ryan set the wrench down, pulling the tablet into both hands as he scanned the readouts. “Huh. Yeah, I see it now. Just a tiny dip. Nothing critical.” He sounded a little too amused by it.

“Should we adjust the recharge intervals?” I asked. “Spread out the load, or…?” I wanted to be helpful, and see if I could distract myself from my thoughts.

Ryan shrugged, leaning back on his heels. “We could, but it’s not really worth the effort.”

I frowned slightly, why the hell was he being like this? “Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” Ryan said, his tone light. “We’ve got fuel for years. This reactor’s running on uranium, remember? You don’t ‘burn’ through it like gasoline or something. The limiting factor on these systems is time wear and tear, long before it’s fuel consumption.” He was right, I knew that, and yet…

“Oh.” My frown eased, even though I still felt annoyed at him, at myself, at everything. “So efficiency isn’t a big deal?” What a dumbass question. What are you even doing, Rossi?

“Nah,” Ryan replied. “Not at this level, anyway. A percentage here or there isn’t going to change anything meaningful. If it’s making you twitchy, I can smooth it out, but it’s barely a blip.”

I shook my head, trying to shove all the weird thoughts out of my brain. “Nah, leave it. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something.” Or maybe I’m missing someone.

“You’re not,” Ryan said, picking up the wrench again. “Relax, Captain. This ship’s got a long road ahead, and she’s built to take it.”

And yeah, I really hoped he was right about the ship, about everything, because I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive this trip without losing my mind.

With nothing pressing to handle, I decided to hit the gym. Maybe if I pushed myself hard enough, I’d stop thinking about everything, especially about Emily. The ship had settled into its usual rhythm, with the crew scattered to their tasks or hiding in their usual corners. Nobody needed me. That thought crept in, bringing a strange mix of uselessness and panic. If nobody needed me, why was I even here? What did that make me? The ship was basically on autopilot, and I was starting to feel like a glorified babysitter with too much time to think.

And of course, my brain spiraled. Why had Emily been so quiet this morning? Maybe she was over it. Maybe she’d realized it was all a huge mistake. Maybe the FTL drive had killed us, and this was hell. Focus, Rossi. Gym. Sweat it out.

First, I needed to change, and yeah, maybe show off a little while I was at it. Back in my cabin, I stepped inside and let the door slide shut behind me. The room was still plain, but after three weeks, it had started to feel like mine. My blanket was uneven across the bed, my well-worn RISK board sat propped on the desk, next to my energy tomahawk.

It was a little piece of Earth reminding me of who I was supposed to be. Captain. Leader. Scared kid trying to fake it. It was comforting and suffocating all at once, a constant reminder that I was so far away from home, and nothing was ever going to be the same.

I reached for the zipper on my bodysuit, peeling it off in one smooth motion. Over time, the suit had softened, molding to my shape without squeezing, and fine, I’d admit it, it looked good. I looked good, we all did.

Hanging the suit neatly in the small closet, I paused. Emily and Zoe. My brain immediately went to their faces, their smug little grins when they’d picked these suits out like it was a team-building exercise. Of course, they’d nailed it. As usual. They’d been right about everything, about the suits, about the crew, about me. Even when I hadn’t been right about myself.

I shook my head, grabbing a clean set of gym clothes. Gym, Rossi. Just get to the gym. The rest would have to wait.

Pulling open a drawer, I rummaged for my gym clothes, the routine feeling oddly hollow. The clothes felt so small, so simple, compared to the mess in my head. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a soft gray t-shirt, tossing them onto the bed. Sliding into them was second nature now; the shirt snugs enough to show off the definition I’d worked for, the loose shorts giving me room to move.

I tied my shoes, grabbed a water bottle, and stepped into the corridor. The air felt cooler here, cleaner, and I told myself I was ready to get my sweat on. Anything to stop the spiraling thoughts. I was tired, yeah, but the gym was better than being stuck alone in my head, chasing circles I couldn’t escape. Maybe the gym would clear my mind. Maybe it’d give me something to focus on besides her smile, her voice, her everything.

There wasn’t much else to do. The ship didn’t need me right now, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to boss anyone around, not that I ever really liked doing that. No, I needed this. I felt like I was losing it, like my grip was slipping. Maybe it was my turn to lose control, just for a little while. Yeah. Maybe.