Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

Kai anxiously paced the Admin Room. He’d never been a pacer before in life, and, in fact, the idea seemed stupid, but here he was, doing it now. Or maybe it was more like a panicked storming around in random directions. He’d thought he’d been working hard to level the dungeon up. He’d thought he was making progress. But maybe that wasn’t really true. Maybe he’d gotten complacent, and things had been more cozy fantasy or slice of life than thriller. Although with the number of times he’d had to run for his life, it didn’t feel like he was moving too slowly. But to suddenly have to pay a vast sum of money in only a month?

He paused. Was it a vast sum of money? Or was this, like, pocket change in this world?

Determined to find out, he looked around to ask someone. Unfortunately, there was no one else here. Just a silent magical system thingy. He was all alone. For some reason, the awareness of that hit him pretty hard. It shouldn’t have. After all, he’d been in this world for a while now and hadn’t fallen to pieces over the transition.

Maybe he’d been in denial or shock or just too caught up to really feel. Whatever the case, a punch of loneliness hit him in the gut. Energy and adrenaline drained out of his body, replaced with despondency. He walked over to one wall, leaned against it, then slid down until he was sitting with his back to the stone.

He stared at the empty room. It was tempting to pity himself, but he could see himself doing it and knew it was wrong. He wasn’t entirely alone. The kobolds were here now. That was really nice, the first fragile sense of potential community he’d had. He was very happy to have them residing in the dungeon. But with how different he felt from them, a city-living human Earther versus wild-living kobolds, how much would they be able to relate to each other? There were also the slimes and the owl bear. They probably wouldn’t be very good at conversation, though.

Kai felt the urge to talk to someone, a friend or a partner, to share about what had just happened with that Cornelius guy. More, to talk about everything he was going through since he’d been transported and sent to this world. Since he’d been forced to become a gremlin and fight for his daily survival. Dagnabit, whether it was manly (or gremliny) or not, he wanted to talk about his feelings!

This had all been a very intense experience so far. A new world, a new body, the loss of everything he’d known, it was crazy. For the first time, the shock of it all seemed to finally be wearing off. It’s not like he was about to fall apart or go mad, but it would be good to share things with someone. And in real life, not texting strangers online. He’d chatted online too often in the past, and it was never as fulfilling as the real thing. He didn’t miss social media and shallow online interactions. He missed real people, talking face-to-face.

Maybe he was selling the kobolds short. Rush could speak a little of the same language that Kai did. The others might speak or understand more than he’d realized as well. And, sure, maybe they appeared to have a hunter-gatherer-level society that existed in the wilds on the edge of extinction at any given moment, and maybe they were an entirely different species, but people were people. Probably.

He knew that if he sat and moped alone in his room, he’d just get unproductive and depressed. So he pushed himself off the floor and went to see the kobolds.

Down in the kobold area, he put his most burning question to Rush, “Is 1000 gold a lot of money?”

The newly minted champion held his baby sister in his arms, caring for her while his mother bustled about, helping with the wounded and food and a hundred other tasks. The tribe was constantly in motion. Rush looked up at Kai with a blank expression. “Money?”

“Yes.”

“Gold money?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s that?”

“Right. Thought so.” Kai put his hands on his hips. “You guys don’t use money, huh?”

“Money what?”

“For, like, trade and stuff? You guys ever trade outside your tribe? To other tribes? Maybe with people who aren’t kobolds?”

Rush nodded. “Sometimes trade with goblins. Sometimes elves. But elves weak now. Don’t come. Maybe no things to trade.”

“And it’s all barter? You give them, um, fish or something, and they give you clothing?”

“Mm. Trade.”

“But you don’t use coins? Little pieces of metal or stone or something? Like a shirt is equal to five fish. So a shirt is worth ten coins and a fish is worth two, so you can sell five fish to the elves today, and if they don’t have a shirt to give you, they give you ten coins. Then, later, even if you don’t have fish, you can give them ten coins to buy a shirt.”

Rush’s face screwed up as he tried to make sense of Kai’s words. “No understand.”

Kai figured. The language barrier was probably getting in the way, and the concepts unfamiliar. It seemed like the kobolds only used a straight barter system, so they seemed to have no knowledge of what money was worth in other places. “Are there any elves nearby? Could I talk to them?”

Rush shook his head and turned his attention down to his sister, who was cooing and trying to grab his nose in her tiny hand. “No elves. Big war with humans. Many die. Now angry. Hiding.”

Kai perked up. “Right. There are people, er, humans around.” Some had already perished in the dungeon. The ones he’d encountered so far had been in the same general direction. Maybe there was a village that way. “Do humans trade?”

Rush gave a very mocking laugh. Then he pierced Kai with a look that said Kai should know better. “Yes. Humans trade sword. To chest. We give blood and death. You want trade?”

Kai felt queasy at the negative image humans had. He still thought of himself as human. “Nah. Sounds like a bad trade.”

“Humans kill. Always kill.”

“Is that what happened to you and your tribe? You seem like you’re running from something. People were scared.”

Rush seemed like a pretty tough guy most of the time. But he wilted a little at that. A clawed hand came up and very gently cradled his sister’s head. Eventually, he replied in a softer tone, “No. Not human.” He said something in the kobold language, then tried to explain, “Animal. Big. Big danger.”

“Did it attack your village or home?”

“Yes. Home gone. Many die.”

“I’m sorry.”

Rush looked over at the other kobolds. “Not many now. Need more kobolds. Need more babies. Or tribe die.” He looked up at Kai, uncertain. “If find, can come here?”

Kai felt more than a little on the spot at that question. “Well…I think so. We’d have to talk about it and figure things out first. It would depend on how many. I think I can use the system to give people water. But we’d need to find enough food for everyone. We’d need to get the dungeon bigger too.”

“Can?”

“Can try. But not now. Let’s make a home for you guys first and find a way for everyone to eat. But after, yes.”

Rush nodded. “Good. Need wife.” He looked down, refusing to meet Kai’s eyes, busying himself with his sister, playing with her, but really just distracting himself. He couldn’t hide his pained expression or the way he rapidly blinked, like there was something in his eyes. “Need new wife.”

Kai cursed. Rush must have lost someone he loved when his village had been attacked. Even Kai almost started crying at that. To have lost most of a village, people Rush must have grown up with and known all his life… He’d probably watched friends and family die. But to lose his partner as well… That was just awful. Kai felt awkward for a few seconds, then sat down next to Rush, wanting to be supportive. He consolingly patted the kobold on the shoulder.

Rush wiped a tear away with the back of his hand, then looked up. He stared at Kai.

Kai looked back. When Rush’s stare continued, he grew uncertain. “What?”

“Need wife. Not husband.”

Kai’s face heated up. “I wasn’t offering!”

“Why sit?”

“I was trying to be nice because it sounded like your wife had died.”

He looked at Kai with the same expression women too often got when Kai flirted with them at the bar: ew, no. “Want wife. Yes. Husband no thank you.”

“Yeah, I— Gah. Never mind.” Embarrassed, Kai stood. He stomped off.

He returned to the Admin Room, vowing to develop better people skills.

Seeking to distract himself from the embarrassment of the misunderstanding, he went to the console to browse and try to come up with answers to his shocking financial problem. Looking at the architectural features that allowed him to design the dungeon any way he wanted, he started browsing menus. He instinctively started to play around with the layout again, then stopped.

He might be the dungeon master, but he wasn’t going to play god. He’d told the kobolds this would be their home, so they deserved to have a say on how their section was laid out. He’d let them know what he could do and what options he had, and ask them to work out amongst themselves how they wanted their home built. It would mean more work, and the kobolds would have to play politics with each other to reach a consensus, but the democracy of it really appealed to Kai.

In fact, maybe he could see himself as a protector of sorts, a defender of a system that was guaranteed to put the group first and prevent anyone from being abused or used. No tyrant could rise up and take over the kobolds and force them to become nasty monsters because Kai could boot them out of the dungeon and put an end to it. One group of kobolds couldn’t enslave another for the same reasons. Kai was in a unique position to guarantee that the people could live free from evil. For the most part.

Maybe that was playing god after all. But he’d try to let the kobolds, and any future residents, remain in control of their lives as much as possible. That would probably mean giving them a say in how the overall dungeon worked at some point. He’d have to agree to abide by the decisions of others in the dungeon, even if he didn’t agree with what they wanted. That could get…messy. Too much thinking about that hurt his head, so Kai turned back to the console.

He had given the kobolds water cisterns and a runic stove. They had two rooms. He would see if they wanted lights. He could give them the ones that mimicked daylight, too. But what else could he do? He just didn’t have many options yet — wait. He noticed a new menu item: Creature Specific Options. He clicked on it.

His eyes widened. “No freakin’ way.”

KOBOLD MINE

Kobolds are highly industrious creatures who love to craft and build everything from simple weapons to scented candles. While they are not the deep-digging or ore-refining experts that dwarves, molefolk, and others are, they sure do love to mine. They also have a knack for finding precious shiny rocks and veins, likely due to their draconic origins.

Kobolds become tougher and stronger when inside the mine.

Kobold miners become adept at using the pickaxe as both tool and weapon.

The kobold mine can be upgraded once prerequisites are met.

Warning: the more successful the mine, the more territorial local kobolds become.

Kai rubbed his hands together. “Precious rocks and metals? Yes, please!” Kai could already picture it now…

He stands upon a mound of uncut jewels, maniacally laughing like some cartoon villain while a chain of kobolds moves huge chunks of silver and gold from out of the mine. Cornelius the bill collector arrives and stops in shock. He’d expected to ruin Kai and close the dungeon. But Kai is now so absurdly rich, he disdainfully tosses a fat diamond at the man, and shoos him away, telling him never to return. Cornlelious, defeated, slinks away. With the dungeon paid off, Kai begins Phase 2: World Domination!

“Muahaha-ha-haaa…(cough).” He’d allowed his imagine to get ahold of him so much he’d actually cackled out loud. Oops.

Dashing away, he was halfway down the stairs to the kobold rooms when he realized what a pain it would be to explain, so he rushed back to the console and used it to place the Kobold Mine in one of the rooms on the third floor, deciding to budget two floors for the kobolds for now. He couldn’t put the mine in the private area, only the public, which meant the kobolds would be vulnerable while mining, and any adventurers who came by might be able to enter it and kill the kobolds inside. It was a risk. But it could be a huge benefit. He put some torches in the same room as well. Then he ran downstairs to share the news.

He led Rush, his mom, and some of the others back into the public section. “Just trust me. You have to see this.” He really hoped they liked it.

The small group walked down the narrow stone hallway toward the glowing orange light at the end. As they emerged in the small room, the entrance of the mine became visible on one wall. It was a very shallow hole in the stone wall, about three paces deep. It looked like someone had carved the entrance right into the stone blocks and into the raw rock behind, then stopped. The entrance was shored up with thick timbers on the sides and ceiling. On the ground were two wooden rails, like a primitive railway line, and atop them was a box cart with wooden wheels. Obviously, a wooden railway system wouldn’t stand up to much punishment, but it would be a start. Inside the cart were a half dozen pickaxes.

Multiple kobolds gasped at the sight.

Kai nervously surveyed them all. “So? What do you think?”

A very old kobold with ratty scales and worn-down horns shuffled over. He had a tear in his eye. With feeble arms, he motioned swinging a pickaxe and said something in his language.

Kai copied him. “Yes. Mining. Uh, do you guys mine? Is this good for you?”

Rush seemed both confused and excited, as if he was happy but didn’t know why. He questioned the elder, who replied, and the group quickly chatted, everyone soon talking over each other.

The elder turned away and came over to Kai. He bowed his head low and spoke.

Rush translated, “Thank you.”

So this is a good thing, right?”

Rush was pleasantly bewildered. “Maybe yes. Maybe very good. I no dig. Mama no dig. But old kobolds dig. Very excited. Say can make many things.” Rush stared hard at the mine entrance. “Feels…strange. But…good.”

Kai grinned. He really enjoyed putting a smile on people’s faces. He could definitely get used to doing that. Then he had a sobering thought. “Crap. Even if we dug up diamonds, who are we gonna trade them to to get gold?”