Chapter 38 - Cake and Cookie

The interior of the Quartermaster’s armory was overloaded with the gear to outfit an army closer to five thousand despite the harsh reality that only one thousand actual soldiers were milling about the settlement. Future arrivals would be able to take up their arms here, but for now it was all advance planning and making sure that the current forces had plenty of options at hand to deal with the threats of the new land. Stacks of crates full of mass produced and shoddy swords, spears, shields, the sort of excess that had been the ‘training’ of hundreds of apprentices who were barely competent in their craft. For sellswords like herself it was still a buffet of arms that could scratch almost any itch.

Lady Hilda approached the Vice Quartermaster Fehn, who seemed to be minding the morning shift by pouring over a stack of parchment and inking out orders from behind the counter. Paperwork. Always paperwork. Every request, every repair, every dent and ding needed to be documented. It was excessive to say the least, but Fehn was at least more than a scribe. The burly man with a tight fitting knit shirt, bulging muscles and a thick bushy moustache wielding a quill and inkwell with such delicate script was a bit of an oddity, but nothing more unusual than his gold rimmed monocle which he used to read the papers themselves. He was fencing left and right with his strokes, sparring in elegant script, but her attention drifted from the man so absorbed in his work to ignore the buxom Lady Hilda.

A collection of two figures in black robes and hoods were looking over a collection of crystal focuses in the corner, Kithe, from the look of it as children were not allowed around so many implements of war. One held a mahogany wand with a large quartz crystal the size of a hen’s egg. A Terreti? To think they would even have one of those heretics here made her skin crawl. Then her eyes caught sight of the spinning astrolabe-like staff made of gold and trapping an umbral crystalline mass. Her breath caught the realization that this was not something that could have ever been in the Quartermaster’s stores, it was a divine artifact of a Dyjun and was a living core of a being that defied the natural order. Just on whose orders were they allowed to be here? The two child-sized, or perhaps Raeyn-sized, Kithe turned and looked at Violetta with blank stares. Their faces were fat and rosy-cheeked with dimples. One had light brown hair and the other was dark black, but otherwise they might have been twins. Kithe were difficult to discern in age, but from the pinch of their eyes, and the scrunching around their noses, it was likely they were in their early 50s.

“Ah, Cookie.” The black-haired one pointed towards her, “Is she the one?”

“Ah, Cake.” The brown-haired one pointed to her in turn, “Is she the one?”

Would anyone blame her if she knocked the pile of crates on to them? To pull a terrible and dated comedy routine was one thing, but to look as a pair of creepy dolls in black robes while doing it? No.

“Ah, Cake and Cookie.” Lady Hilda noticed them and headed over to them and leaned down, her massive orbs dipping down as she seemed to greet the two of them on their eye level, “It is good to meet you both.”

Cake and Cookie? Kithe had a propensity for sweet-sounding names, but it was intentional or grossly ironic they would have such names while being powerful casters in their own right. There could be nothing sweet or innocent about an outright demon user.

“Greetings Lady Hilda, your chest has grown ever more wonderfully large.” Cake stared straight on, “At this rate you will rival the best bovines in terms of milk production.”

“That is if you can find a man capable of doing the deed without getting crushed to death.” Cookie added. “It would be an honor to die with such purpose. As it would mean the end of a priestess and fix you for about twenty years.”

Lady Hilda laughed a little strangely, this went beyond teasing and was outright insulting, “Calling your employer a cow is dangerous. Don’t want her to topple over and crush you as she faints.”

“If anything, you are the one bought and paid for.” Cake smirked confidently.

“Bought and paid for!” Cookie repeated as those tiny hands went to her hips before leaning into to add, “Stand up before you spill out. I don’t enjoy the mosaic of stretch marks or looking at a particularly large butt crack.”

Lady Hilda stood up and whimpered, “Now, that is just being mean Ladies.”

“Spoiled virgin brats like yourself need to pull both sticks out and realize flaunting your flappers is just disgusting. You are almost forty-three…. Forty-four? Control yourself and have some decency. You are an embarrassment to the nobility.” Cake once again attacked, “We have decided to partner with you for gain, to roll the dice, not to see your vice.”

“It is not very nice!” Cookie chimed in.

While Lady Hilda was a bit much, desperate even, few things could be more annoying than two Kithe who would slip into rhyme. That is what you get when you have nothing to do all the time. Oh no it was catching.

“This is Violetta.” Lady Hilda introduced her, “Please take care of her.”

“Finally, someone with manners. She hasn’t uttered a peep, and she doesn’t look like a creep.” Cake looked her over, “I’ve seen you before. You are the one who believes in Magnesia lore. We will accompany you as we see fit and don’t frustrate us or we’ll not stop this bit.”

Her eyes narrowed as she gave into her anger, but the two realized that unlike Lady Hilda, she could likely find an excuse why they would disappear out in the wilderness. They were not stupid but were a little too eager to play this immature game of the self-centered nobility.

“Let us work together and I’ll assure you it won’t feel like forever.” She decided to play along this once.

“Well, it is ruined. The joke is dead,” Cake said.

“Ruined, indeed.” Cookie agreed.

“Don’t do that.” She scowled.

“An avid reader and an incompetent non-breeder-”

“You look like Gobbos.” Raeyn approached them, “Are you children?”

“We most certainly are not!” Cookie gasped and pointed, “Why is a Gobbo here?”

“She is part of your party.” Lady Hilda smiled, “Or did I forget to mention that?”

Cookie and Cake looked at Raeyn and then to one another before nodding in reluctant agreement. Turning to Lady Hilda, Cake said, “Four priestesses and two shields. The species does not matter. Only the results.”

“Ah yes, they should be here soon. Though Fehn seems to be done with his papers.”

The man beckoned them over, “Sorry for my rudeness, but I needed to make sure these were in order before Sig and Locke arrived. They have requested double link chainmail, steel scale armor and fine swords. Even with your ample budget, Lady Hilda, such things require the Architect to sign off on them. Seems that only one thing was denied: a pack animal and cart. A Keeper will accompany you on the first part of the journey, to recover the dead, but your mission does not require anything more than a sample as proof. A cart is not warranted.”

It was a fair point, but that would mean that they would have to carry the burned remains through the whole of the tunnel. How that would be accomplished was better not openly discussed, but she decided on an easy solution, “Oh, I would like six sturdy bed sheets. One for each of us. The caverns are cold.”

“That I can do.” Fehn did not hesitate, “Assuming you are fine with it, Lady Hilda.”

“Of course.” She simply nodded, knowing all too well what they would be used for.