Chapter 5 - The Great Mother
Vinaraeya. She thought it was strange, but the Great Mother would know. Of course she would. Donning the tunic, she paced the room as if it was her first time having seen this private sanctum. This sparsely furnished room lined with glowing plants still had a sizable nook for sleeping and two wooden chests as big as herself.
“Tell me how you have been! It has been years since I last saw you.”
The Great Mother had a good ear and encouraged her to tell her all about what she had been doing and what she was learning. V happily told her of squabbles between others and swiping meals during fights, she went on about how Leaf had changed since becoming an adult and of her fears of being stuck with Muck. Bit by bit, the Great Mother came to learn how Leaf had pushed V towards her, and of the foolish attempt at deception. She was left troubled and lost in her own thoughts before long but nodded along as V continued even as she began to pace and look around the room.
The fire in the large brazier caught her attention and she slowly left the Great Mother’s side to approach the strange metallic bowl. The fire within was slowly dying and the charcoal were struck with glowing veins of red. Something called out to her, the warmth of the fire, the beautiful orange red light. She continuing rambling on about others, having almost nothing to say of herself as she drew closer and closer.
“Vinaraeya? What are you doing?”
The words broke upon her and went unheeded. The flames beckoned. Her hands grasped the worked iron bowl and she began to pull herself up. The heat warmed her flesh, but unlike the hot bath, it did not spread throughout her. Leaning on the edge she reached out with her right hand to grasp the dancing light. At first the flame licked the palm of her hand, breaking around her and then the heat and pain made her withdraw, the flame ‘caught’ in her palm beginning to spread. Someone screamed. The Great Mother clasped her cloak around her and smothered the flames, pulling her back into her embrace.
“Do you not know what fire is?” the Great Mother asked with concern as her bony hand tore a piece of the tattered cloak free and wrapped it around V’s hand, “Even those two knew to run.”
The flames had begun to devour her flesh and the searing pain, and the heat mixed with the sensation of the touch and the wraps merged into a new understanding of pain. At a loss to explain, she leaned her head forward in shame.
“V,” the old crone’s hand hovered overhead, “Why have you come here? Not to give yourself to Belos. Not to declare your decision.”
V looked at the shriveled face of the Great Mother and blurted out exactly as Leaf had told her, “I have been having this nightmare about Mahn. Killing and blood. Chains and death. It does not change. Whenever I sleep. Mahn killed Mahn. A female Mahn. To save her. Then… I… die.”
The words spilling out of her sounded more and more ridiculous until she could barely finish. The Great Mother’s hand came gently down to rest upon her head as she responded, “Describe what the female looked like.”
V struggled to find the words, “She wore clothing to cover her flesh… I cannot remember what she looked like. She smelled strange. She wore leather like the Head does. Her blood was warm. She died thanking me. I cannot remember much else.”
The Great Mother seemed irritated as she insisted, “What was the last place you remember in your dream?”
“It was like having my eyes closed when they were open…”
The Great Mother nodded and after a moment asked, “Do you know why you may be suffering this?
V nodded and without Leaf’s guidance repeated the words that had etched themselves into the memory. Just as the searing fire had made its mark, so did the words she repeated as if in a trance: “Your place in the next world has already been chosen. The memories of your sin and your defiance are yours to keep. May the burden of your sins cultivate some humility and repentance. For stealing a light of this world, suffer in the darkness of the next.”
The Great Mother nodded slightly and asked, “What do you think it means?”
“That I was put here as a Gobbo and a qued as punishment for killing that female Mahn. That I upset something with the power of life and death and now I must suffer for killing that Mahn female. It wants me to beg for forgiveness. It was not V who killed her, it was just V watching through the eyes of one of them. Why do I have to suffer for what one Mahn does to another?”
“You were the other Mahn?” the Great Mother stretched her hand out to pluck the tip of fire with her thumb and index finger, but the fire bent away, “Do you remember a name?”
“Ma…Mae something.” V couldn’t recall now, it was gone for today, “I will try to catch it tomorrow. I have been having it for years, but lately it has been every day. Even during naps.”
Agog’s cough announced his arrival into the chamber and V turned to see him carrying a basket of charcoal on his back with both arms struggling to support the weight. His hunched back straightened as he came into the chamber, some coals spilling out as he approached the brazier, “I do not mean to interrupt, Great Mother. The rain was strong, but it should still be dry enough for the ceremony.”
“The Dark Moon?” V tilted her head up to ask, “When is it?”
“Tomorrow.” Agog snorted and saw the bandaged hand, “What is with the wrapping?”
“She touched the divine flame of Belos. Drawn to it like a moth.” the Great Mother rolled her voice into a raspy laugh that became a desperate wheeze, “So, did you put her up to this?”
“Not all my own doing but let her speak for herself. Give her the benefit of a night or two.” Agog crouched and slipped the heavy basket down with care and flexed his hands as if to restore the feeling in them.
V winced as she clenched her bandaged hand, “I do not know what to devote myself to. I only know what I do not want.”
The Great Mother flashed five gnarled fingers in front of her face, “Of all the paths before you think of the one which gets you the closest to what you want. You could settle for a mate and become a den mother. You could embrace the pits, never seeing the outside world. You could even try to kill the chief and assume control. Become a priestess of Belos and temper yourself to the flame. Why even run and never return, probably dying out in the wilds by the next moon is a choice.”
“Or take up a trial,” Agog laced his fingers together and laughed, “Prove your worth to the warren and not even the chief will challenge you.”
“A trial?” The word was unknown to V.
“A fool’s errand disguised as a purpose.” the Great Mother flexed her fingers and curled them into a fist, “Failure means your death in the wilds or at the hands of your companion. More than likely to slit your throat on your first sleep and be rid of you.”
Agog let out a deep belly-shaking laugh, “Might as well throw yourself in the brazier, but if you succeed you will be like me!”
A small figure stepped out from behind the thick curtain and called out, “Gramma! It gave birth! It was pink and now it is turning red and even blue. Maybe it will become green like us!”
Their heads all turned in unison as the small child gave the news and the Great Mother cursed, “Belos take me! I’m surrounded by fools!”