Relief

Pilar paced her room, pulling her hair, flexing her fingers, screaming into a pillow. Then she swallowed three sleeping pills, determined to forget what she had done.

When she arrived at the lab the next day, thoughts of all those she’d wronged pushed to the back of her mind, she kept quiet and to herself. She completed her work, only speaking to the techs when absolutely necessary. Luckily, Nicola wasn’t working–at least not in the lab–giving Pilar a break from the watchful eye of the woman who knew her well enough to see through her defenses.

The techs had long since called it a day, and Pilar continued analyzing the latest data set from her Crispy study. She was just about to pull out tonight’s sample from the Trims study she needed to evaluate, when the electronic hiss of the door opening stopped her. She glanced up to find Nicola in the doorway, announcing some command to the electronic system Pilar couldn’t hear.

Her heart pounded thinking that if Nicola had arrived only a few minutes later, she would have been caught red-handed, though she supposed she could have passed it off as long as the P.I. didn’t notice the abnormalities.

Pilar forced a smile. “Hey, Nic. Sorry about yesterday. Something just knocked me off my feet all of a sudden; must have been something I ate.” A nervous chuckle followed.

The P.I. had a pained look on her face. “Yeah,” she said, walking slowly toward her favored mentee. “Sorry to hear that.”

Pilar dropped her head back to the data she had been reading, though the figures now blurred in her vision. She hoped if she looked busy, Nicola would leave.

But she didn’t. “Pilar, can I talk to you a minute in my office?”

As terrified as Pilar had been the first time Nicola randomly asked for a private conversation, that feeling could almost pass as relief when compared to the sinking dread that coursed through her body now, weighing her down.

“I was actually just about to head out,” she said, running her fingers through her hair and tucking the strands behind an ear. “Been here all day.” She still didn’t look up.

Nicola took a few steps closer, close enough for the guilty woman to see the tips of her boss’s shoes as she pretended to keep her focus on the holoscreen in front of her.

“I think we need to talk now, Pilar.”

Pilar reluctantly followed the woman to her private office and took a seat, her leg bouncing and fingers twisting. “Another promotion so soon?” Another nervous giggle.

She saw Nicola’s face clearly now. Her soft wrinkles suddenly harsh, a few strands of grey and chestnut hair uncharacteristically loose from her bun, her mouth set in a thin line. And her eyes…her eyes made Pilar’s leg still and stomach drop. They were filled with a sadness so deep, a sadness Pilar knew too well.

“Nicola?” she breathed.

The older woman said nothing, only pursed her lips in disappointment as she slid a finger across one of the metallic boxes on her desk, a holoscreen of Pilar’s comings and goings projecting into the space between them.

“There are records of you entering the lab, but never leaving. Or vice versa. Care to explain?”

Pilar stared at the log, looking for an answer. “I…I don’t know.”

Silence stretched, Nicola refusing to accept that.

“I guess I must have walked in or out with someone and forgot to scan in?”

Nicola kept her eye locked on Pilar’s as she swiped the air, then nodded to the new information. “Then how do you explain this? You were working in the lab. The equipment logged you as a user long after the last person left.”

Again, Pilar scanned the log, buying herself time. “Okay. You caught me. There have been a few times when I’ve worked myself to sleep and stay here overnight. I’m sorry, Nicola. It won’t happen again.”

The older woman’s lips curved into a hopeless frown. She sighed. “I expected more from you.” Another swipe projected a new image.

Gene twenty of the X chromosome. Zoomed in on the anomalies.

“I know about the nanobots, too. And a few other random chemicals and supplies that have gone missing.” Nicola pressed her fingertips together, resting her elbows on the desk. “What were you thinking?”

“I–”

“Pilar, you wasted millions of dollars worth of equipment. And for what? What happened to all the failed test subjects? Fuck, Pilar, who were the test subjects?”

“I–” Pilar stopped herself this time, Nicola’s words hitting her like a smack to the head. She didn’t know about the hexes. “I only tested it on myself.”

Nicola continued shaking her head, though she gestured for the guilty party to continue her explanation.

“I found the anomaly. And I knew it would be considered dangerous and unethical and we would never get the opportunity to test it, but I knew it was possible and just had to try it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I knew you wouldn’t have let me.”

The older woman stared a moment, shocked into silence. “And by it, you mean…”

“Adding the abnormality to unmutated DNA.”

A sigh. “That’s what I was afraid you were going to say.” She dropped her head, rubbing her temples. “Pilar, I don’t even know how to fix this. The grant…when they find out half our nanobot inventory has disappeared…” Her head snapped up. “The logs.”

Pilar licked her lips. “Yes.”

“That’s how?”

“Yes.”

“It…worked?”

Pilar snapped her fingers, a bouquet of flowers appearing on the desk. “You tell me.”

Nicola’s eyes were glued to the fragrant peonies. “It…worked.”

“Took several tries,” Pilar lied. “Sorry for using so many nanobots, but I was certain I was close each time. And look,” she snapped her fingers again, a box of chocolate appearing, “eventually I was right.”

The older woman’s face remained a blank slate for a few beats more, then her mouth curved up. “If you think flowers and chocolates are going to get you out of this, you’re wrong. But,” she pushed herself up, rounding the desk and pulling Pilar to her feet, gripping her shoulders, “making the single most important discovery that will impact the entire future of the human race? That I can forgive.”

The head P.I. shrieked in joy, encasing Pilar in a tight embrace that the younger woman was more a victim of than a participant to.

Pilar was too busy reeling from the low of being discovered and the high of being praised to share in the woman’s joy. But relief, sweet relief, that no one knew her dark secrets made her feel as if she were floating.

Or maybe that was Nicola lifting her off her feet.

“Okay, Nic,” Pilar laughed, wriggling free.

The head P.I. explained that they had a lot of work to do to somehow turn this into something they could present to the board without getting in trouble, but agreed that it was late and they’d brainstorm a proposal tomorrow.

As she returned to her room–walking, not using her powers–Pilar felt lighter than she had in days, weeks, months. She had one less secret to conceal; and with this one out in the open, it felt as though the others would remain hidden. Not only that, but the voice hadn’t visited her once all day.

But that feeling was fleeting.

The door to her room slid open, revealing a hooded figure in black standing perfectly still just inches in front of her. Pilar had no time to react as her forehead was assaulted by the hex’s palm.

The world went dark.