A Humble Captain

Llew burned with multiple points of pain all over her body. Each disappeared after a time, but only seemed to reappear elsewhere. The overall effect was constant pain. Being Syaenuk had not made her immune to pain itself, but accelerated healing had kept most episodes short. This was something she’d never endured before. She would now. Her pain for Jonas’s life. For freedom of Aenuks. And Joelin. Maybe even her mother. For the end of Braph whose face floated in her mind constantly. Eyes closed or open, Braph was there.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when Rowan’s voice broke through. He was checking in on Jonas. Jonas responded and there was movement. Still, Braph lingered. After another few moments, the sling supporting her hand swiveled, breaking her contact with the tree, silencing Llew’s body and mind. She sat in that peace a little longer, eyes closed. Braph lingered still.

She felt a body move in beside her. Jonas, obviously. That comforting warm aroma that was purely him confirmed it.

“Let go, Llew,” he murmured and slid an arm across her shoulders, shattering the lingering vestige of Braph; freeing her. A gentle tug against her shoulder invited her, without demanding, to lean into him. Eyes still closed, she did and took a deep, calming breath. An island of still.

“You need to drink.”

Llew opened her eyes to find Karlani crouched before her, a cup in her extended hand.

“Sorry, I get that you need calm right now, but you need to drink. And eat.” She lifted the cup, centering it in Llew’s attention. In her other hand, hanging over one knee, she held a muffin.

Llew looked at the cup, the muffin, and Karlani. Cup, muffin, Karlani. That last still setting off a wave of anxiety, though diminished from what it once was.

Jonas withdrew his arm and said “I gotta—” He waved a hand vaguely. “—anyway. Help me up, would you, Rowan?”

Rowan did, and insured Jonas was settled with his crutches before stepping back, allowing Jonas to go and find his post blood-transfer relief.

Llew accepted the cup and gulped down the water. The farm’s well water was tastier than that of Cheer’s Big River, if she was honest despite the urge to defend her one-time home. With every day that passed at the farm, it felt more and more like home now.

“Thank you.” She passed the empty cup back to Karlani and accepted the snack.

“That girl, Elka, and the Turhmos soldier Lyneth are really hitting their stride in that kitchen, even if the cripple does ass-over when she gets too excited to keep track of her own feet around the furniture in there.” Karlani held Llew’s gaze. “I never had a reason to hate Aenuks growing up, you know? Never even heard of them until I landed in Phyos. I like what you’ve started here. I believe in it.”

Llew swallowed her mouthful as she returned Karlani’s gaze. She didn’t know what the other woman wanted from her and gave a simple acknowledging nod.

“I’m grateful to be part of it.” Perhaps sensing Llew’s discomfort, Karlani excused herself and returned to the farmhouse.

“Can you handle a little more blood-letting?” Rowan asked.

“I can handle it,” Llew said, even as her body threatened to make her a liar, awash with the desire to run. For Jonas. For the Aenuks. She had to force her hand up and into the leather stirrup, and even then – so close to the tree’s trunk – she had to push her palm the final inch, fighting herself the whole way. Offering her other arm for connection to the Gravinator was simpler.

“Just a few vials,” Rowan attempted to soothe her.

Jonas returned as Rowan finished fastening the needle in place. He watched Rowan attach a glass vessel in place of the needle he himself had been injected with moments before and met Llew’s gaze as Rowan loosened the valve. Then they all watched the blood flow, filling the vial swiftly.

The thumps began again beneath Llew’s palm. Then a stab of pain near her spine. A whimper escaped her, drawing Jonas’s attention, his expression pained. But Llew couldn’t carry both his agony and hers and she had to close her eyes. Glass clinked as Rowan swapped vessels. Llew breathed through the shifting pain points and disturbing imagery the tree pushed into her until Rowan once again severed the connection, freeing her from straps and contraption. Her blood now half-filled eight thin stoppered glass vials Rowan had balanced in a wide bowl.

“Enjoy your freedom.” Rowan tried for a beaming smile, though his eyes remained haunted, leaving Llew to wonder if they mirrored her own. Certainly her body and mind had yet to fully clear away the ghosts of torment from her connection to the Ajnai. “If this works—” he lifted the bucket of blood-filled vials. “—it should only take about an hour to find out if we’ve got something we can isolate. Then we might as well test it as soon as possible.” He headed for the farmhouse and Jonas firmed his stance on leg and crutch and offered a hand to Llew.

She was tempted to dismiss it, but she suspected it would mean something to Jonas to help her stand and she wasn’t averse to the gesture, so she accepted. Once Llew stood, Jonas drew her into a lingering hug. Perhaps they could pass the next hour just like that. Llew certainly wouldn’t mind. Wrapped in Jonas’s arms, her mind could take a break from worry. Their next step was in Rowan’s hands.

Rowan’s and Karlani’s, evidently, as Rowan leaned through the farmhouse door, spoke, then stepped back as Karlani joined him outside. Alvaro followed her to the doorway, stopped, arms folded, watching her walk with Rowan until they disappeared from his view around the corner of the house. He cursed under his breath and stalked after them.

“Uh oh,” Llew murmured.

***

Despite her utterance, Llew remained in Jonas’s arms. Jonas had glimpsed Alvaro at the doorway and pulled back from Llew to see what she saw: storm cloud Alvaro sulking after Karlani. At his withdrawal, Llew voiced a disappointed grumble, making Jonas laugh, and giving him the impulse to ruffle her hair.

He acted on it as he said, “She can look after herself.”

Llew screwed her face up at him, though not without the hint of a smile, and ran her fingers through her hair, settling it back in place. “Yeah, but, that blood is precious. And I don’t know how many spare vials Rowan ordered from Hinden.”

She had a point. Jonas scowled at the point he’d lost sight of Alvaro, silently cursing the loss of his leg. Once more, their fate lay in Karlani’s hands and anxiety was an unwelcome guest.

“I should put my leg on,” he said.

Llew supported him to the porch and insisted he wait while she went inside to collect the prosthetic. It was easier to fit the leg to a fully bare leg, so Jonas shuffled his thigh free and sat in his drawers with one full trouser leg halfway up his left thigh. Far from dignified. He was learning to let that go. What use was dignity, really? The idea of being weak, though – despite his inability to fight or hide it – was a step beyond acceptable. He couldn’t do it. He was Jonas, the Gr— the Syakaran. He was power, or he was dead. In between couldn’t remain true.

Llew returned and fit the prosthetic. As she helped guide the false foot into the trouser leg, a horse thundered down the cartway and they both looked up to watch Alvaro urge the horse faster, careening through the gate, turning sharply for Hinden.

Llew turned back to Jonas. “Did we need him?”

“We really don’t.”

Llew thinned her lips. “I hope he’s okay.”

“He’ll be fine.” Jonas stood to fasten his buttons and belt. He’d never liked Alvaro, for no particular reason. He just thought the kid could do with becoming more worldly, or accept that he wasn’t and still had learning ahead. Instead, he’d been too eager to be seen how he wanted to be seen, regardless of the depth, or lack thereof, beneath that.

Jonas’s opinion, though, didn’t soothe Llew at all. She remained looking toward the road. Jonas shuffled from foot to foot, insuring his thigh stump was well settled and comfortable, then put what he hoped was a reassuring hand on Llew’s shoulder. “He’s made his choice. Let him live it. Besides, Rowan told you to enjoy your freedom. How do you want to spend it?”

To Jonas’s relief, she turned to him. “Karlani didn’t bring you a snack. You should eat.”

Jonas crooked an eyebrow, suppressing his mild urge to laugh. “I could eat. Food or … you. Hmm, that sounds like a mighty fine way to pass an hour, to me.”

Llew’s mouth dropped open.

In a move that was either going to be sexy or stupid, Jonas dropped his hand to hers, tugged her a step closer, stepped into her, and claimed her top lip between his for a few seconds, then pulled back to check her response. It was a break in their growing habit of asking first, but Jonas couldn’t help himself. He could blame her blood coursing through him, but the cause didn’t matter. All that mattered was the desire washing through him and the sense that, right then, he and Llew could be the only two people in the world and that would be perfect.

Llew’s lips were still parted. She blinked. Seemed he was a few steps ahead of her in his thought processes. He could back right up, or see if he could catch her up.

She looked back to the gate Alvaro had disappeared through moments earlier and Jonas’s mood cooled.

He lifted her hand to his lips. "Sorry, Cap’n. That was bold of me, and not at all lieutenantly behavior.”

She turned to him with laughter in her smile. “I said I wanted you to be a snuggly lieutenant, didn’t I?” She leaned in so only their joined hands separated their lips. “Seems to me you’re fulfilling the role as requested. Perhaps you even deserve a reward for your bravery.”

“We’ve got to talk about resettin’ your expectations. You think I’ve been deliverin’ reward-worthy snuggles? Just you wait until we can afford to hold each other all night. I’ll never let you go.” Despite the ridiculousness of that word, he managed to keep his tone serious and hold her gaze in what he hoped was smoldering want, and nothing that would remind her of Braph.

“I still can’t believe I get to have you.”

“Nor I you.” He released her hand and invited her in for a snuggly cuddle, and they past several minutes simply holding each other, and Jonas marveled at his lack of both fatigue and anxiety in that moment. All thanks to Llew’s blood.

“I feel safe with you,” Llew said, her head resting on his shoulder.

Jonas responded by firming the hug. He’d never cared to be a safe space before. He liked it now.

She pulled back. “You should eat, though. If Rowan’s work gets you anywhere close to Syakaran again, you’ll starve in minutes.”

Wishful thinking if ever Jonas had heard it. And yet, he sure wanted to be moments away from being his old self again.

Inside, the house was warm from the range always cooking, yet with all the windows open, it wasn’t stifling. Lyneth sat at the dinner table scrubbing soil off carrots with a coarse brush and a shallow bowl of water, while Elka rinsed lettuce leaves at the kitchen bench.

Jonas eased himself onto the bench seat just inside the front door.

“What happened to Alvaro?” Lyneth asked. “He quarreled with Karlani, but he’d promised to bring in more carrots.”

“He left.” Llew lifted a cloth from a basket of muffins on the bench and handed one to Jonas. “He took a horse and he left. For good, as far as I can tell.”

Lyneth sighed. “Fool boy.”

Jonas agreed.

“What did they argue about?” Llew slipped behind Jonas, to the end of the table where Lyneth worked, placed the last two uncleaned carrots on the table and lifted the basket they’d been resting in. “I can bring you more carrots.”

“Thank you. Another dozen should do us.”

“A humble captain,” Jonas murmured and smirked at Llew. She poked her tongue out at him.

“Alvaro told Karlani she should put his needs first, not yours, s— since she isn’t your lover,” Elka said without pausing her work.

Jonas failed to fully stifle his snort as Llew – unsurprisingly – blanched.

“Of course she isn’t. Ew. Not that— Not ’cause she’s a woman. Because she’s … her . Ew.”

“Evidently Karlani didn’t think Alvaro was hers, either.” Lyneth started cleaning another carrot. “She said it was too early and what you were doing was more important for now anyway. Seems he liked that even less than we thought. I like it here.” She glanced at Elka, breathed deeply the free-flowing air, and splayed her hands – one holding the vegetable brush, one holding a half-scrubbed carrot. “Granted, I can only compare it to the compound I grew up in. If he’s got something better to go to, he must live like a king.”

“I just hope he’s not too hard on that horse. I’ll bring in those carrots.” Llew stepped outside, leaving Jonas to eat his muffin in the presence of these industrious women.

Despite his many and fulfilling visits to kitchens, mess halls, and dining rooms over the years, Jonas had never paid much mind to those bringing the food to his table. All he’d ever had to do was focus on himself; make sure he was the strongest he could be, the fastest he could be, and that he knew how to use his knife when it mattered. And he’d thought himself, the so-called Great Syakaran of Quaver, mighty important.

He ate his muffin in silence.