Hope

A couple of their regular restaurants were closed. Permanently, apparently. Nuisances.

They returned to one at which they had already racked up quite the bill already. Braph didn’t have money, well, none in his pockets anymore, and he wasn’t about to send for a purse from Duffirk. Luckily, few places would close a tab on a man who could destroy their whole business with the wave of his hand, or stop their hearts with a thought. People had been talking.

They stayed at the restaurant longer than Braph would’ve liked, while Orin downed four breakfast servings, scoffing porridge, toast, eggs, and boiled pears. While Braph joined Orinia in jocular comments on their growing boy, his mind replayed the incident in the garden, when Orin had smashed one of Braph’s flying devices. Could some of the goop have landed on Orin? Certainly, he couldn’t dismiss the possibility. A splash didn’t guarantee an infection, and a healthy appetite in a growing boy really was nothing unusual. Did Braph, as a father, have cause to worry? As a father of an Immortal child, especially one now coming into his full strength and speed, he shouldn’t have had anything to dread other than butting heads with his own child as the boy’s body’s maturity outpaced that of his brain. He shouldn’t have. But did he?

If Orin had been infected, his body wouldn’t drain its life as an Aenuk would. It would fight it, and put up a better fight than a Karan might, he was almost sure. But could Orin fight it to the point of curing himself? Surely, if he was fed well enough. The other option was to ask Orinia for some of her blood, but what would that really achieve in an Immortal? A Karan could use Aenuk blood to perform infinite magical tasks. An Immortal already had both magics, and yet they could not perform anything beyond healing quickly, running fast, lifting heavy things, and living a very, very long life.

Braph sighed. He knew what Orinia would say when he asked if she would supply some blood, and he was right.

“Why?”

***

Jonas was woken by Garnoc shaking his shoulder with furtive looks past Jonas to see if he was also disturbing Llew. With that in mind, Jonas rose and accepted Garnoc’s help with his prosthetic and trousers without fuss and they slipped outside as silently as possible, leaving those who had broken their sleep to watch over the rest of them in the night to catch a last few minutes of sleep.

Jonas stood on the porch, leaning into one crutch, looking out over their lives now. The hard, wooden chairs beneath the Ajnais, the Gravinator, the leather straps …

The bonfire still smoldered in a blackened mess much more reflective of Llew’s struggle than the jovial mood her friends had tried to provide her. Still, the laughter and chatter echoed in the space. On balance, what would Merrid and Ard think? Merrid, despite a good-natured acceptance, would want the mess cleared as soon as possible. Jonas could picture Ard’s satisfied smile over the coming together of the farm’s new inhabitants. The farmer would still exude disapproval at Jonas, though, for letting Llew hurt so much for him. Indeed. That would remain a sticking point against Jonas’s welcome here, despite what Llew might think. Didn’t matter, though, did it? What mattered was that Llew had a safe hub, a home, here. And Jonas had his home in her, wherever she should land.

Rowan came around the corner of the house, a syringe in hand. “You look well this morning,” he said.

“I feel pretty good.” Until Rowan’s comment, Jonas hadn’t noticed just how much better he felt compared to previous mornings. He felt close to normal; none of the general fatigue that had been encroaching deeper each day prior.

“Excellent. I don’t know enough about Braph’s bug to know if you’re able to fight it at all, but we must, at least, be getting you to a better baseline each time we heal you with the purified magic versus the whole blood. That is progress, and it buys us time.” Rowan gestured to the porch beneath Jonas’s feet. “Might as well sit there on the porch, eh? Unless you’d like to make your way to a chair?”

“Here’s fine.”

Rowan waited patiently while Jonas maneuvered himself to sitting off the edge of the porch. Perhaps it would have been easier to make his way down the few steps to the cartway and back along the porch to sit his ass on the edge, or even to sit on a chair beneath the Ajnai, but Jonas still had trouble accepting that slow-and-steady was all that was left to him, or even his best option. While he could manage getting himself almost straight down with the aid of a crutch or porch support beam, he would do just that, no matter how awkward. For some reason, though, it felt even more awkward with any audience that wasn’t Llew.

Expecting the rush, Jonas was able to keep his reaction to the injected power minimal and focus on pushing it throughout his body. For a few seconds, he felt something akin to his full Syakaran strength – every muscle in his body both relaxed and yet taut, buzzing with an eagerness to be called to action – but it disappeared almost as quickly as the magic itself. Maybe, just maybe he had the equivalent to Karan power for a little longer.

Rowan hovered. Jonas met his eye and nodded. “It’s good. Better than yesterday.”

Rowan smiled. “That bodes well. It should mean we can get away with letting Llew have a few breaks.”

“Assumin’ she’ll allow herself.”

“We may have to defy her on that. Yes, we want you up and strong as soon as possible, but none of us want Llew tied to a tree permanently. If this works like we hope it does—” Rowan lifted the empty syringe “—we could have you close to your old self in a few days. Then I just need to figure out how to make it permanent or, at least, transportable.”

“Except, we don’t know what sort of power Braph is gettin’ out of that tree in Taither. We have to somehow get ahead of him, with no idea what that even looks like.”

“No.” Rowan deflated some. “That’s an unknown we’re just going to have to work around and hope for the best. I’d love to be able to promise you both all this would guarantee you’ll beat this thing, but that’s all I can offer: hope. I h—” Rowan waved his empty hand. “For want of a better word, I hope that’s enough.”

“It’s gonna have to be.” Jonas hooked his crutch under his armpit, hopped off the edge of the porch and glanced at the wall behind which Llew still slept then met Rowan’s gaze. “But it might not be. Even if I get my powers back, I am only one man. And if I don’t survive Braph, you’re gonna have to help Llew finish it. Help Karlani to help Llew finish it if you have to. If Llew and I go to Taither and I fall, Llew won’t make it back here, but she must. We need back-up. Llew needs the hope that I can beat Braph. I need to know that I am not her last hope.”

“I get the impression you want me to build up a reserve of magic for Karlani, without telling Llew?”

Jonas nodded.

Rowan thinned his lips. “You want to lie to her and say it’s for her own good? The longer we spend collecting blood, the more time Braph has to do whatever he’s doing, too. It all compounds, and Llew suffers for it.” Rowan ground the last between his teeth, keeping his voice low, but clearly communicating a rage Jonas hadn’t seen in the other man before. A part of Jonas was pleased to know Llew had someone else fighting in her corner. Another part warmed with a flicker of jealousy for this whole man before him.

His own anger flared at Rowan’s push-back, at his own sense that he was failing Llew, yet again, with this decision. It was helping Braph with his makeshift device all over again, and that had been a stupid decision, causing all sorts of trouble. Or maybe it had been the only way to defeat Aris.

“I don’t want to cost Llew any more than we need her to bear, but I won’t stop at just enough hope to face Braph. I need to know there is somethin’ after me. That if I fail, Llew doesn’t.”

Rowan didn’t respond, just held Jonas’s gaze right back, as if Jonas should know some other better plan.

“How well do you think Llew will tolerate the pain she receives through the Ajnais if she thought the blood was for Karlani?” Jonas pushed.

Rowan took a breath like he was formulating a response but then just blew it out through his nose, and folded his arms.

“I’m tryin’ to ground our hope in reality,” Jonas continued. “And the reality is Karlani can make better use of Llew’s blood than I can; that Llew would be better off if she would let me go and do away with hope.”

“You know she can’t do that.” Rowan’s stance and expression softened some.

“No. And I can’t say I’m not grateful for what she’ll do for me, but it’s not just about me. If she thinks I’m the only path to her goals, she’s already lost.”

“Hey.” Rowan reached out and gripped Jonas’s upper arm. Jonas tensed, but resisted the urge to brush him off. “I think you might be playing this game several moves ahead of where you need to be. Yes, your leg is a challenge. Yes, you’ve got to fight this bug as well as somehow dealing with your br— that bastard Braph.” Rowan raised his hand placatingly. “But we don’t yet know just how much of Llew’s magic you can carry, in crystal form, or whatever I come up with … I’m almost certain there’s another way, but I just can’t grasp it …” He shook his head to clear that thought and get back on track. “We don’t yet know what it will be like when you can carry and absorb a little power all day. Let me see this project through before we add a complication. And if we have to add that complication, I suspect Llew would be receptive to it. If she hates Karlani so much, why did she save her life?”

“Because she needs a Syakaran,” Jonas conceded.

“Exactly. Trust her to do what’s right. Give her that chance. She is your captain, after all, is she not?”

Jonas had to allow Rowan that point as well. Ever since Aris’s betrayal, Jonas had felt unmoored and overwhelmed by the responsibility of decision-making. He still wasn’t sure if helping Braph with his blood device had been the worst mistake in his life, or the best thing he could do in the circumstances at that time. Maybe he should’ve listened to Llew back when she’d asked him to run away with her. If they’d managed to disappear, maybe none of this would’ve happened, Merrid and Ard might still live in peace, Aris would’ve remained powerless, so might’ve Braph … Could one choice really have caused all this? He couldn’t know. If they’d run, there was no guarantee they would’ve stayed free, and maybe things would’ve played out much as they had even then. As much as his instinct was to protect Llew from carrying the weight of such decisions, she didn’t need him to do so. Rowan was right, and proving the better man once more.

“Right now, our hope lies in a belief that blood is easier to work with than tree sap,” Rowan continued. “That, perhaps, Braph is barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. For all we know, there might be no way for a human body to make use of magic in sap. Maybe we’re worried about nothing. So, how about we focus on what we do know. We know we have to get you to the Taither Ajnai with the power to face Braph and whatever defense he is able to mount against you, which might very well not be much if you can do magic like he could. Maybe all you need to do it get into his head before he gets into yours.”

Rowan was speaking sense. Jonas had spent his life training in physical combat, his body uniquely primed to win. His mind had only ever been educated to direct his prowess, to fight the enemies Quaver and Aris wanted him to. Imagination and creativity had been for those fighting against him, if they wanted any hope of success. Certainly, Braph had strengthened his mind and become powerful. Now, Jonas needed to do the same.

“You’re right. I’m goin’ to have to take lessons from Braph if I hope to beat him, and he ain’t about to teach me. Maybe you think enough like him to help me out.”

“I’ll … take that as a complement, shall I?”

“Do.”

“Right. Well, I expect Llew will rise soon, so I’ll go and clean this syringe and bring out the vessels for this morning’s collection.” Rowan backed up, giving a lazy salute and headed back to his shed. Ard’s shed. Rowan’s now.

Jonas drew and released a breath. Rowan was right, of course. Again. Llew was capable of weighing their situation and making a good decision. Still, he couldn’t shake the sense that if Llew didn’t feel a need to keep him in the picture, she could live a life free of Braph and the troubles he caused her.

Again, he looked to the bedroom wall, as if he could see Llew there, a bump in the blankets. He hoped her dreams, at least, were peaceful. Just as he couldn’t walk away from her, he had to accept the same from her. And so, their path was chosen. Llew would suffer, and he might die. Might. Llew would tally no debts owed. Jonas doubted he could ever balance the scales. Certainly not if he did die. And for that, he had to shake this feeling that he wouldn’t return from Taither.

The first household stirrings reverberated through the floorboards. Llew would be awakened soon as breakfast preparations proceeded, and so would begin a new day of blood, magic, and trying to decipher what Braph was up to via the language of pain. If that didn’t fill Jonas with a sense of hope for the future, what would?

He had to push such thinking aside. Certainly, it was no help to Llew.

His gaze alighted on the water bowl by the front door and the stack of towels beside it. Yes. A wash would do him good.

For that, he did walk, with only a light weight on his crutch, to the steps up to the porch, then used the house wall to help steady his balance as he climbed. He leaned the crutch against the wall, untucked his singlet, pulled it over his head, and placed it beside a stack of small towels. He poured from the ewer freshly refilled at the end of the previous night, dug his hands into the water, and splashed it on his face, gasping at the cold. He rubbed his hands up and down his cheeks and peered at himself in the pockmarked mirror on the wall.

“Who are you?” he asked. “You’re the man Llew wants, for some damned reason. Be the man she needs, the man she deserves. Be the father Joelin will call his hero.” Laughing at himself, he scooped up more water and splashed it across his face again. The cold – running down his forearms, neck and chest, dripping from his earlobes – woke him, his mind clearing. Not a mind full of answers by any stretch, but one that could make choices for better or worse. He gripped the wash bowl and leaned in toward the mirror. “Not dead, yet, lieutenant. Broken, yes, but not dead. Commit. You’re part of a damned good team. Have faith in them, and give ’em a reason to have faith in you, ungrateful bastard that you are. Be the better bastard. Do the greater good.” He stared back at himself for several more moments, thinking of the caged Aenuks, caged people waiting for him to free them. How easy would it be, as a fully-powered Syakaran, infused with Syaenuk magic to fly into the palace, storm down its corridors, free a couple of Aenuks and fly them back to the farm? Truthfully, he didn’t know, had never understood Braph’s limitations or lack thereof. It was time to find out. Time to believe. “Believe,” he murmured, grabbed a towel and pressed it to his face.

“Hmm.”

Jonas froze a moment, trying to interpret the utterance from Rowan. Was he about to find out that Rowan liked men? Liked liked? He pulled the towel down his face, bunching it in his hands and turned to where Rowan stood down from the porch looking up at Jonas.

Rowan raised his empty hand, pointing at Jonas. “Your tattoo. It’s giving me ideas.”

“Uh. What sort of ideas?”

“Well, it’s there, isn’t it? Under your skin, I mean. In your skin? However it works. I think I’d like to try putting some of Llew’s magic there, see if you can draw on it more slowly. How long did it take to do that?”

“Days. Over the course of months.”

Rowan deflated some.

“The tattooist could only manage a few hours at a time. Truth be told, so could I. And then I’d have to spend weeks back at the border. So, I don’t know. A week, maybe?”

“Hmm.”

Jonas took the moment while Rowan lost himself in thought to dump the towel in the space for laundry and scooped up his singlet.

“I might need to take Lord Tovias up on his offer of further credit and send for gear, unless we can make it here, but which would be faster? A few days’ travel, or crafting something that might work. No, I’ll need to send for equipment from Hinden again, get it right. We can build up a store in the mean time and be ready to try as soon as they return … It’s still guesswork, but so is everything else. I think it’s worth a try.”

The door opened and Jonas looked over his shoulder, well aware of his state of undress. Llew emerged, her initial panic settling quickly once she saw him. “Hmm.” She smiled, openly admiring his bare torso.

Now, her “hmm” he didn’t mind. He returned her smile and she stepped from the house coming to stand behind him so they both faced Rowan. She slipped her arms around his waist, kissed his shoulder and said “You seem happier this morning.” He hadn’t been. It was nice to sense Llew’s calm in response to Jonas’s perceived better mood. Definitely worth the effort. Then she rested a cheek where her lips had just been and asked, “What’s worth a try?”

“Tattooing your magic into Jonas’s skin and seeing if he can control his own access to it that way. It would do away with bulky devices like what Braph uses, and is certainly lightweight.” Rowan nodded to himself. “If it works, it’s elegant, even if I do say so myself.” He raised his bucket of empty glass vials. “Well, shall we do a morning collection?”

“Ard used to feed the cows while he milked them,” Llew said.

Her tone was lighthearted, so Jonas just raised an eyebrow at her over his shoulder. “I can bring you breakfast.”

“Karlani will bring me breakfast, I’m sure.” Llew released Jonas, stepping around him to kiss him lightly. “You’ll keep me company, won’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Llew had been raising a hand, index finger extended and about to trace the lines of his tattoo on his chest. She stopped, her eyes flaring in mock outrage. “Behave, you, or I’ll get Karlani to sit with me and you can be my errand boy.”

“Wouldn’t want that.” Jonas smiled and raised a hand, offering to join her on the walk to the Gravinator, and she accepted.