Just Fine Without You

“What is it?” Jonas grabbed his crutches and, between them and his one good leg, managed to pull himself to stand beside Llew. She looked like she’d seen a ghoul; her cheeks paled, and her focus firmly on the tree she’d been sitting against, as though she expected something to crawl out of it. Or someone.

“Braph,” she breathed. “He’s at the tree. He’s at the Taither tree.” Llew’s voice rose in panic. “Or was.” Llew closed her eyes. “He’s doing something to it. And my ma. He’s got my ma with him! And we’re still here ! We’re still so far away …”

“Llew.” He handed his crutches to Garnoc and gripped both of Llew’s shoulders, held steady. “Breathe. Stay with me.” Jonas understood the trees showed her things sometimes, usually a memory. A memory could mean Braph was already done, that there was already no tree for them to pin their hopes on. But, no. Jonas didn’t always understand Braph, but he knew his brother’s thirst for power, and that tree had power.

Llew closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and the tension through her shoulders eased.

“Tell me. What did you feel?” Jonas asked.

“It was like … The tree thumped me. And I saw …” Llew peered at him, like she expected him to doubt her, so he ensured he returned a steady calm, an ear waiting to assess the situation in full. She closed her eyes again. “I saw the Taither tree – I know because of the colors – and Braph, he— He was just there. And the tree was scared.”

“Okay.” Llew had begun to tense up under his touch, so Jonas rubbed her shoulders, hoping to bring her back to the now. “Okay,” he repeated while he formulated a better response. “Whatever Braph’s designs are for that tree, he’ll want it still standin’. It comes down, and all he’s got is his son’s blood … Until he becomes a rebellious adolescent.” Jonas dared smirk, and Llew allowed herself a hollow laugh. He’d take that. Even surface humor was better than deep anxiety, especially over something they weren’t in a position to fix right then. “The boy’s Immortal,” Jonas continued. “When he comes into his full power, Braph won’t have the same control over him he has now. If the tree’s not his final goal, at least it’s his backup.”

“It’s distressed.” Llew looked back at the tree behind her.

Jonas nodded. “I get that. Braph’s a scary guy when he’s not tryin’ to play nice.” He rubbed and squeezed her shoulders gently.

“We’re nowhere near ready to stop him. And he has my ma with him.” Her tension eased as she pondered on that thought. “Was— Was she happy? With him? Did you get to talk to her when you went to his ho— house?” She’d started to call it a ‘home’. Braph’s house was not a home, not by any definition.

I learned to love him once before , Orinia had said when Jonas inquired after her feelings for Braph. Learning to love. Was that happy? He’d once done the same with Kierra. Learned. He would like to think they succeeded. He had been happy enough.

Had Orinia been happy? He didn’t know. More importantly in this moment: what answer did Llew need him to give? Did she need to spend energy distressed that her mother might not be feeling, or would it be better to believe her mother happy with Braph? If Orinia truly was happy with Braph, she likely wouldn’t take too kindly to Llew and Jonas turning up to kill him. It didn’t feel a whole lot like there was a right answer here.

“She looked happy,” he said, remembering the lingering kiss between Orinia and Braph. She had watched him leave the room like a woman well-versed in love. A woman whose hero had come for her.

What choice do I have? Orinia had responded when Jonas first asked the question, echoing Llew’s words in regard to her own relationship with Jonas. What choice did these Syaenuk women – wanted dead or captured by nations – have but to tie themselves to men with super strength and speed who loved them?

Super strength and speed Jonas no longer had. What choices did Llew have? Plenty. Her ma? Jonas didn’t know.

“ Looked happy.” Llew’s voice was thick with the disgust she reserved for Braph. “I wouldn’t believe it. Would you? I mean … Braph ? The man is a monster. He might think he loves her, but I don’t believe it for a moment. Looked happy. But she wouldn’t be, would she; held captive by him?”

“I don’t know, Llew.” A part of him wanted his brother to be happy. But not Braph. And with Llew’s ma ? No. It didn’t sit well with him, either.

“We’ll have to fight him. Give her a chance to escape, and to save the tree. You have to be able to face him as an equal. No. Superior. And it has to be you. A Syakaran isn’t good enough anymore. We need a Magician. But you need that tree. We have to get you there. How can we—? We can’t— But we need—”

Jonas squeezed her shoulders again. “Just breathe, Llew. Be here, now.”

Llew breathed deeply and met Jonas’s gaze, and she was back, no longer lost in the panic of knowing how far ahead of them Braph was.

“Braph likely knows as much about gettin’ power out of that tree as we do. And he don’t have the advantage of the tree talkin’ to him. And he’s still Karan. The door to Aenuk magic ain’t one that opens easily to us. We’ll figure things out once Rowan can work his magic. All we can do is keep pushing forward.”

He glanced at Karlani, who sat looking back at them, for once guileless, the fire’s orange glow bounced off her black curls and set her rich brown skin aglow. Everyone in their little camp watched Llew, waiting for her to do something. To continue bleeding for Karlani. He looked to Llew and was met with a resigned expression as she went to sit at the base of the tree again. Jonas grabbed her arm, shook his head. What Llew needed now was allies, and a strong base to move on from.

“Come.” He released her arm and beckoned her to follow him.

When they stood before Karlani and Alvaro, Jonas kept his chin high, looking down his nose at them.

“What you did was stupid and beyond careless.”

Both Karlani and Alvaro rightfully lowered their heads under Jonas’s accusation.

“Your word ain’t worth nothin’ to us, but we’re demandin’ it anyway. I know what it feels like to be Syakaran receiving a dose of Syaenuk blood. I know the power … the temptation.” A door that was closed to him now. The first time beneath the ancient Ajnai, just before its demise … He understood Braph a little when he allowed himself to dwell in that memory. Little in life had felt better. Little but Llew’s love. Those fleeting moments when she let herself feel and let those feelings bubble to the surface and shared them with him. Such moments rarely lasted the seconds the incomparable power of Syaenuk blood flowing through Syakaran veins did, making them all the more valuable. Jonas found some satisfaction that Karlani would never have such rare a gift, but she would feel Syaenuk power through her veins. Tonight.

Jealousy rose in a flash of anger hot enough to compete with the fire warming the backs of his thighs. Quick to anger, as always. And just as common, he tamped it down to keep on target. Llew needed more allies, fewer enemies.

“You’re capable of healin’ yourself to full power over the next few days. We would manage just fine without you. But since you’re here …

“People have treated Aenuks like they ain’t real people for centuries. But they are. Treat them like toys and you will get burned. Here is where you pick a side. I ain’t gonna tell you which. And I ain’t gonna talk up our chances of winnin’. You know Llew’s mission and you know who and what we’re up against. We invited you to stay and help, and you threw that back in our faces. There are no more chances.

“There may be nations at stake here, but ’sfar as I’m concerned, this is between me and Braph. Quaver might be about to crumble thanks to his machines. Whether Turhmos takes it as a chance to rise, ain’t somethin’ I got the energy to wonder. And Brurun … Whatever comes, they’re caught in the middle. Llew has a plan that might save Quaver, or it might not. It might prevent a war, or it might start one. We’re fightin’ for our lives, and our families. And Llew demands your loyalty. You’re either with us, or you’re gone.”

He felt Llew’s quizzical glare but kept his firmly on the two before him.

“There’s nothin’ you can pin your promises to that’ll convince us your words are true. Anythin’ you say now will ring hollow. Only your actions from here on out will speak for you.”

“Understood,” Karlani murmured, then raised her head and voice. “I— I’m sorry. You’re right. It was stupid and foolish. And my idea. I won’t waste your time trying to excuse it. All I can do is promise I won’t do it again.”

Jonas hissed a single laugh between his teeth. The promise as empty as he’d expected. Karlani had no loyalty to Quaver, no connection to Phyos, and she’d left her family behind in whatever place she was from. No land and no lives to put on the line for anything.

“You’re right,” Karlani repeated. “My promises mean nothing after everything I’ve done. So, I guess I won’t make any.”

Damned right . Jonas only expressed the thought with a raised eyebrow, curious to hear how Karlani would make it more palatable for Llew to offer the blood required to return her Syakaran powers this night.

Karlani took a deep breath. “Ll— Llewella?”

“Llew.” Jonas and Llew insisted in unison.

Jonas glanced Llew’s way, the urge to laugh rising in the back of his throat, but the dark and ill twist to her mouth was a kick to the gut. His brother had taken that name from her.

“Llew.” Karlani held Llew’s gaze earnestly. “I won’t ask for forgiveness. For any of it. I won’t excuse the choices I made up until this point. I can tell you I’m changed, but I understand why you won’t believe me. So, I make no promises. I only beg for the chance to experience life from my new perspective. I owe you my life. And I know, if you were anyone else, I would’ve paid with it already. I won’t forget that, and I’ll try not to let you regret it.”

Jonas was inclined to believe that of Karlani. Being brought back to life tended to have an effect on people. He shifted his focus to Alvaro, the only one of the four not to have experienced it. The young man sat, watching Karlani. As silence grew between them, he looked up at Llew and Jonas.

“Um.” He looked at Karlani again. She ignored him, still imploring Llew. His gaze followed hers. “Ah, yeah. I guess it’s kind of the same for me. I suppose my promises don’t mean much, either. For what it’s worth, you have them, anyway. I won’t act against you again. Either of you.” He flicked a glance Jonas’s way. “I’ve been foolish. I’ll try to do better.” He glanced at Llew from beneath brows hesitant to rise, but couldn’t hold it, instead looking at the ground again and trying to make himself smaller. Not lying, no, but not truly prepared to accept consequences for his actions, either. Still, he had safely escorted Anya to the farm, who had been a light in which Llew had been in much need.

Jonas turned to Llew. “Do you accept?”

“Yeah,” Llew said, and Jonas heard an echo of the words she’d said in Brurun: What choice do I have? Then she firmed her stance. “I accept. With final warning. I offer the power in my blood and the Ajnai trees to you this one last time.”

“Understood.” Karlani tried for a friendly smile; hesitant, like she didn’t know how Llew would receive it. Llew didn’t appear to, remaining impassive.

“I understand.” Alvaro continued to try to shrink from attention. Llew watched him a long moment. Just as she seemed to be giving up on expecting more from the young man, Alvaro piped up. “I really am sorry, Llew. I didn’t—. Look, I forgive you for Cassidy, okay?”

“Do not .” Llew flared with anger. “You have no right.”

Karlani also turned to Alvaro, her widened eyes imploring him to shut up.

“My failure to save Cassidy wasn’t about you, and it’s time you let him rest.”

Jonas shifted. A part of him wanted to reach out and shield Llew, soothe her, but it wasn’t what she needed right then. Indeed, she preemptively shrugged her shoulder, anticipating his touch there. When it came to Alvaro, Llew was always better off going it alone. Alvaro’s disdain for Jonas was complete. Good thing it was an equal relationship.

“He doesn’t deserve to be used as a weapon for you to keep beating me with. He was a man of good character who I would’ve been proud to call friend had I had the chance to know him better. I thought the same of you, once.”

Alvaro flinched under her words, but also shrank less, almost like he was grateful to be called out. But he said no more, and Llew returned to a tree, lifting her shirt to expose her back to its bark and re-rolling her sleeve to ensure access to her vein. She sat with her knees up, arm resting across one, closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the trunk.

Rowan had come outside at some stage during their demands of Karlani and Alvaro. He took a moment to place a couple more pieces of wood into the fire, then came up beside Jonas.

“Elka said a message came through the trees. Something about Braph?”

Jonas turned to face the fire, excluding Alvaro and Karlani from his conversation. “Braph has reached the tree we need to get to. The one in Taither.”

“Shit. Our equipment won’t arrive from Hinden until the day after tomorrow. Or, today?” Rowan glanced up at the sky, but neither he nor Jonas was skilled at time-telling by the stars. Regardless, a cloud had rolled in, rendering the sky featureless. “Whatever. He won’t destroy it, will he?”

“I don’t think so.” Jonas used to think he would never understand his brother, but he was starting to think he did. No, he would never fully comprehend Braph’s underlying why , but he now knew the hunger Braph had for power. He’d felt it himself beneath the ancient Ajnai.

“Can he access its power like you can?”

“I don’t think so,” Jonas echoed himself and looked over his shoulder at Llew, who sat shut off from everyone while blood was drawn from her by the syringeful and could only shrug. They would always be able to inject him with Llew’s blood while she healed easily touching an Ajnai. Whether Jonas had enough of a connection with the Taither Ajnai to heal through a direct contact with it was purely hypothetical. Whatever the eventual mechanism, that tree was their final hope.

Rowan crouched to tend the fire, and let out a groan.

Jonas was about to ask him what it was when the first rain drop brushed the side of his nose, and another hit the top of his head. Just what they needed.

And Llew began to laugh.