Promise

If Llew had thought sitting at the base of an Ajnai, having blood drawn from her arm and injected into Jonas’s one syringe at a time had been mind-numbing, she had not been prepared for the Gravinator.

Elka and Lyneth had come outside with Rowan to assess what they had to work with versus the ideal setup as far as Elka could recall from the medical journals. The doctor in Hinden had provided neither written nor drawn instructions. Luckily, Elka had a good memory, though that only went so far when the patient receiving the blood was expected to be bed-bound and only need a relatively small amount of blood – not the continuous supply Jonas needed. And, unfortunately, Elka both stumbled over some words and lacked the dexterity to draw what was in her head. But Lyneth and Rowan had a lot of patience for her, and between them they worked something out.

Chairs were brought out and stabilized on the uneven ground – one for Llew to sit on and one to clamp the Gravinator to – and soon blood flowed directly from Llew to Jonas without interruption. As Jonas had already received a number of syringefuls of blood, it wasn’t long before he felt able to be up and about, and with Rowan yet to be ready to process Llew’s blood, Llew also had some hours free.

The first thing Llew did was draw Jonas into a hug and they simply stood wrapped in each others’ arms for several minutes while most everyone else settled to tasks around the farm.

Rasps, hoof clippers and knives had been procured in Hinden, so several of their herd could have hoof trims at the same time, though it would still take days to get around them all. Llew had lost count, but between two Turhmos troops, Alvaro’s horse, Rowan and Elka’s carriage horses, and Merrid and Ard’s own carthorse, there were certainly more than the farm could sustain for any length of time.

A practical matter to be considered later. Right now, Llew stood in Jonas’s arms and she would enjoy it.

A voice rose in song from the farmhouse. Lyneth, Llew thought, joined by an off-key Elka, and punctuated by giggles. Llew smiled, holding onto the joy in the knowledge those two young women might never have met if it hadn’t been for Llew and Jonas’s misfortunes.

Jonas shifted his chin. “I think my ma used to sing that one.” Their embrace stilled as they listened. “Mmm.” The sound from the back of Jonas’s throat vibrated through his chest and Llew. She almost purred back. “Makes me wonder where it came from, if it’s sung in both Quaver and Turhmos.”

“Makes me wonder whatever really divided them. I don’t know many Quavens, but from what I know of Turhmos and Cheer, it seems like people are people everywhere. All the kids I grew up with wanted was to be able to play, eat enough, and sleep warm and dry. Merrid and Ard seemed pretty content being here, with a good home and plenty of food. They grew things and made things. And they were …” Ah. Darn. There it was again. The hot eyes, the pain deep in the throat. They had been lovely people who didn’t deserve to die just because they had been nice to Llew. And Llew couldn’t help the passing thought that if she’d never entered their lives, Merrid and Ard would still be here. Still farming, gardening, cooking, mending. Still contented.

Jonas squeezed his arms tighter briefly, and leaned back, hobbling a little on his foot, and managed to keep his hands on her shoulders feeling like a soothing contact, even though he did also need to hold on to maintain his balance as he had yet to fit his prosthetic. “They were good people – the best – who deserved better. And a part o’ me wants to throw the blame square at Aris’s feet, but I ain’t entirely sure about that. I mean, growin’ up, I was Jonas the Syakaran, right? And before I knew anythin’ else about my fellow soldiers, we were friends simply ’cause we all hated Turhmos. Hated … Aenuks.” That discomfited scowl pinched Jonas’s face, as it always seemed to when his past with Aenuks came up, and he wobbled on his foot, like he’d wanted to shuffle his feet, but of course he couldn’t. “Aris may have planted that seed, but I can’t be sure we wouldn’t have found some other reason to fight if he hadn’t. Maybe we could’ve allied with Turhmos against someone else. Maybe Brurun would’ve been flattened years ago. I don’t really know what I’m sayin’ anymore. There are good people, and I wish the world was shaped by them, but it ain’t. I’m not sure it ever will be. The people who don’t mind tramplin’ over others always seem to make their way to the top. Mind you—” Ivor was walking by, and Jonas caught his attention, gestured at his stump, and said “Grab my foot, would you?”

Ivor acknowledged with a lazy salute and headed into the house.

Jonas turned back to Llew. “ You’re good people.” He gave a wry smile as Llew squirmed on the inside. She’d always been the street rat, the filthy Aenuk, the leech – words that had seeped in no matter how staunchly she stood up to them. Jonas looked over his shoulder as Ivor emerged with prosthetic in hand, then turned back to Llew. “You know how I know?”

“I don’t know. ’Cause you like me?”

“Ah, well. That depends how much faith anyone wants to put in my opinion. Ain’t been a winnin’ strategy before.” He lifted a hand from Llew’s shoulder and rested it on Ivor’s as Ivor bent to help line up the cushioned cup of the prosthetic with Jonas’s stump and strapped it in place. Ivor stood and watched while Jonas shuffled from real foot to false and back again, testing his balance and comfort and let the trouser leg fall again. Jonas dismissed Ivor with a nod, and the ex-Turhmos soldier returned to whatever task he’d been in the middle of.

Jonas returned his hand to her shoulder, no longer needing her as a point of contact with the ground. “Seriously, though. You know how I know?”

Llew shook her head. All she could think at that moment was that she wasn’t Braph, and that seemed to be enough to mark her as not bad, at least. But good?

“Because you give hope a chance. You didn’t have to even try to save that first troop of Turhmos soldiers. You owed them nothin’. You didn’t owe Karlani nothin’, either …”

“I didn’t do that for her.”

“You could’ve said ‘no’.”

Llew shook her head again. “I really wanted to. I wanted it to be too late; for the choice to be gone. Am I still good?”

Jonas shrugged. “Do you need to be?”

“Well, Turhmos isn’t exactly going to think too highly of us when we get around to freeing Aenuks. And I— I can’t imagine living free and happy in a world in which Braph still lives. That’s evil, right? To want someone dead?”

Jonas managed a blend of bashful incredulity. “I think I’ve mentioned the lack of wisdom in lookin’ to me for absolution. Ain’t mine to give. I’ve a deficit myself.”

“Then what are we even doing here?”

“Cuddlin’?” Jonas lifted his hands from Llew’s shoulders, splaying them either side of her, inviting her to step in close again. She did, and he wrapped his arms around her again. “In all seriousness though, I should’ve tried to kill him the first time. I should’ve tried.”

“But he was your brother.”

“Was.” Everything about him tensed as he said it: his jaw on her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her, his stance.

Llew believed he meant it. She also believed he struggled with the idea of truly leaving Braph in the past. It was hard to reconcile her own feelings about Braph with his.

He stood back, hooked some loose hair behind her ear. “Braph is … not the boy I grew up with. My future is with you.” Llew smiled at him and leaned into his hand still hovering by her ear.

With the entire morning given over to getting blood into Jonas, it was soon lunch time, and everyone gathered to eat. This time there were muffins and cheeses, and some carrots that hadn’t been grown on the farm. They were no better tasting for all their miles traveled, but they did augment their pantry, so Llew wasn’t about to complain at bland carrots.

Talk turned to work needing done and how to divide the labor. Elka and Lyneth were keen to keep working in the kitchen and no objections were raised to that. Rowan had substantial mental and physical work ahead of him as he continued his calculations, tweaked his designs, and began building the devices he believed would work to make Llew’s blood even safer for Jonas. Rowan and Elka were confident that within a few days, they would get better results for the same amount of blood. Though, with the look Rowan flicked Llew’s way, she couldn’t help thinking there was an unspoken so long as Jonas doesn’t deteriorate too much further . So Jonas’s main job was to reduce his need for Llew’s blood; to do very little. That left plenty of other hands free to start work cutting trees for the new accommodation with rotations to the lighter task of watching for approaching trouble.

Llew and Jonas sat themselves on the edge of the porch to clean and peel potatoes for dinner.

“I think it does matter,” Llew said, not looking up from peeling her third potato. “Whether or not I’m ‘good’. If the reason I’m fighting is wrong, then why fight at all? I mean, I can’t not fight to keep you alive. I love you. I do. I’ve never— It would hurt. To lose you. But my feelings aren’t the center of all things, are they?”

Jonas paused in his peeling, which was good; he needed to conserve his energy. “I’m mighty grateful to be a part of them.” By the sound of his voice, he was looking at her, but Llew kept her focus on her hands and potato.

“But I think, beyond my feelings, on balance, the world is better off with you in it, isn’t it?”

Jonas laughed. “I don’t think my opinion holds weight on the matter. I like bein’ here. With you, ’specially.”

Llew couldn’t help a smile at that. She let her potato slide into a large pot of water and picked up another. “I can’t free the Aenuks without you. I know you’ve said Karlani could do it, but she is only Syakaran. You can be a Magician.”

“Karlani could be a Magician,” Jonas said barely over a whisper.

Llew’s fingers tightened around her potato. “No. She can’t. I don’t know what she would have to do to earn that kind of trust for me to give her that kind of power, but, no. I can’t see it. She’s doing the right things, and she seems alright now, but no, she can’t have that kind of power. Not from me. Not over me. You’ve said yourself, it’s addictive.”

“Would you risk it if I failed? If she was Joelin’s only hope? He’s not a greater good. He’s … just my son.”

Ever since learning there was a greater world outside of Cheer, that Turhmos and Braph each wanted her power for themselves, that Quaver wanted it snuffed out, all Llew had wanted was a return to anonymity, a return to a simple life. She had power she would rather keep hidden and not draw the eyes of those who would capture or kill her. She wanted to hide behind Jonas the Magician and send him out to free Aenuks and his own son. She wanted him and his power to shield her from the consequences of being her and having her power. She would provide it to him, their unity allowing her to remain in the background. Never mind that it was her Turhmos were after. With Jonas beside her, it was never just her; it was them. It was him, with her power behind him.

She didn’t know what to say to him. It would never be the same with Karlani. That kind of unity, trust, would never be there.

“I still gotta face Braph, don’t I?” Jonas said.

“Someone has to stop him hurting our baby, and free my ma.” She couldn’t meet his eye, her imagination filling with the times Braph had subdued her, physically or otherwise. She wanted Braph out of their lives, but it seemed he would always insert himself while he lived.

“And Karlani would fall to him, unless you made her a Magician and told her to kill him. She would, you know? She’d do it just ’cause you told her to.”

“To my heart, she’s more disposable than you. And you tell me I can trust her now, but I’m not ready to. If I power her, she becomes more powerful than you, even if I powered you, too. There’s no getting round your leg, or the fact you’re fighting Braph’s bug. She could overpower you and be the next Braph. No. I have to have faith in you. I can’t muster it for her.”

“I can’t fight fearless if all I fight for dies with me. If you’re sending me out as your blade, don’t dull my edge. I need to know that if I fall to Braph, you’ll do everythin’ in your power to live free of him and Turhmos, and to get Joelin back. Tell him about me. Tell him I tried.” He shifted his seat, shook his head. “I want him to know me. I want to know him . But if I have to fight my way past Braph before that even becomes an option … I can fight through pain. I can fight till my dyin’ breath and I’ll be sure to take him with me. But if cold doubt takes me at the wrong time, that’ll get me killed for nothin’.”

“You need to have faith in me.” Llew said it more to herself than to Jonas. He had more to live and die for than she did.

Jonas didn’t say anything, seemed bothered to have implied he doubted. Llew placed a hand on his.

“Buck up, soldier. You’re not dyin’ today.” She quirked a smile, inviting him to return it. He did. “So, it’s agreed, then. You’ll promise to fight with everything you have to be with me forever, and I’ll do everything in my power to help you keep that promise. And if we fail at that, then I’ll at least keep your promise to Joelin, even if it means I have to team up with Karlani.”

Jonas held her gaze. “Agreed.”

“I refuse to sleep with her, though. She’s not to my taste.”

“Mine, neither.”