Turn Yourselves In

Nausea swept through Llew, her whole body trembling. She looked up and down the street, and up at the roofs above them. That had sounded like Braph. He couldn’t be there, could he? But he could fly. He could be anywhere. A small bird landed on the edge of a roof above.

Nice to see you, too. How is my brother getting on? He wasn’t particularly talkative. The small bird flew away.

Even as her insides screamed in alarm, to run, to hide, to prepare to fight Braph, Llew looked Jonas over clinically, as if driven by someone else. She still cradled Jonas’s head, the rest of him lying flat on the dirt road. Her fingers had stopped moving, and Jonas was looking back up at her, his eyes narrowed. Rowan’s shadow fell across them. She looked up at him, but the sun was almost directly behind him, and she had to look down again. Not of her own accord her gaze slid down Jonas’s legs and lingered where his right leg ended abruptly.

A new family resemblance.

Are you— Are you in my head*?* She shuddered anew at the thought, remembering the last time Braph had taken control of her body, using her in place of her mother, whom he would claim to love.

Ah, there we go. I was trying to find out if it was possible to host a two-way conversation. My brother was unhelpful. Braph’s voice came again. And it is not merely a claim. My feelings for her are as real as yours are for Jonas.

He could read her thoughts? Get out. Get out, now! Llew’s trembling intensified, her fingers curling tighter in Jonas’s hair. He winced and she forced her fingers to release.

Soon. I need to offer a proposition.

Jonas rocked his body in an effort to generate momentum. Llew’s hand gripped his shoulder, keeping him down. He squinted at her, in an unvoiced question.

Get out*!* Llew tried sending the thought again.

“Llew?” Jonas queried.

Llew opened her mouth to respond to him.

Turn yourselves in. I can’t promise Jonas will live to see his son grow, but you will. And if you cooperate, you could be a part of his life. Braph ‘spoke’ quickly. That’s the best I can offer. I don’t rate your chances of escape. Llew’s eyes lingered on Jonas’s stump again, though she knew well enough what it looked like.

“Bugger off!”

“I didn’t—” Rowan started and took a step back.

Jonas looked up at her, briefly startled before his jaw set hard. “Braph,” he growled.

Braph’s chuckle echoed through her head, and she wasn’t totally sure it hadn’t escaped between her own lips. Well, I’ve done as I promised. The rest is of no concern to me. Good luck, I suppose. But I suggest you consider the president’s offer. All the search parties know to be sympathetic if you approach them humbly.

“We. Will. Not! ” Llew uttered through gritted teeth.

She felt Braph’s presence lift. Her shaking subsided, and her body wanted to slump at the release.

“He wants us to surrender,” she said even as she caught her breath, like she had just dumped a heavy load. “He believes it would be best for Joelin.” In the moment, Braph’s words seemed the voice of reason. Feeling him inside her head, in control of her body had muddled all Llew’s senses, leaving her unable to grasp an entire thought, except the ones he’d planted. “You or I might be able to see him grow.”

“Empty promises, Llew.” Jonas rocked forward again, reaching a hand out for Rowan to help him up.

Rowan had retrieved the crutches and handed them to Jonas again.

“He’s handed Joelin over to Turhmos.” Jonas stopped to clench his teeth on that thought. “You’ll be caged, and I’ll be dead. Neither of us has a place in Joelin’s life in that scenario.”

Llew shook her head and scrubbed her hands through her hair, trying to scrape off the ghost of Braph’s touch. “You’re right.” She growled. “I hate that he gets to me.”

“Understandable.” Jonas reached a hand down for her to pull herself up using him for leverage. “I ain’t immune, myself.” He quirked his lips. “Let’s stick to the plan.” He looked at Rowan and nodded for him to lead the way.

“What can’t that man do?” Rowan glanced to either end of the street and up at the roofs above them.

“The list is gettin’ shorter.” Jonas turned in the direction they had been heading before Braph’s intrusions and indicated again for Rowan to lead the way.

“He didn’t see you, Rowan,” Llew said. It seemed important to say. “The sun blotted you out.” Perhaps that would be enough to keep Elka and Raena safe.

They continued in silence, every sense heightened and with frequent glances over shoulders. The sound of Braph’s voice, and the feel of him in her consciousness repeated in Llew’s head and through her body. She felt like she should have been able to block him out. Next time she wouldn’t let him rattle her so much, though she very much hoped there wouldn’t be a next time. She glanced at Jonas a few times wondering what Braph had said to him. He often returned her looks accompanied with a reassuring smile but divulged nothing.

Eventually, Rowan waved them to a stop in the shadow of a building. They were at a T-junction, and over the road stood a thin strip of forest, with flat farmlands stretching away either side.

Rowan leaned out cautiously, peering around the corner of the building.

“They’re watching this exit,” he said as he pulled back. “And I presume all the others.” He turned introspective. “I don’t think they know you’ve been treated here in Northhollow, so they’ll need to check other towns.”

“But how many towns are within a day’s walk and west, north-west of Duffirk?” Jonas asked.

“So, there’s no reason to assume they’ll give up easily, is there?” Llew had a sinking feeling in her belly.

Rowan thought a moment more. “I’ve got an idea. How agile do you feel?” he asked Jonas.

Jonas shifted uncomfortably. “I’ll make it work,” he said.

“We won’t liaise with Elka until tomorrow, anyway. We’ve got time. Come.” Rowan beckoned them to follow and turned back down the street, away from the town’s perimeter. He paused at a corner, holding a hand up behind him to halt Llew and Jonas, then waved them forward again.

“You’ve been planning this?” Llew asked once they were safely across the intersection.

“We knew we’d have to help get you out some time,” Rowan said. “Obviously, we’d hoped for later rather than sooner, but it was always a risk.”

They carried on down one street and another, Rowan taking the lead and checking around each corner before they risked exposing themselves. Eventually, they circumvented a long brick building, disappearing into dense, mature forest.

***

The forest undergrowth was thick with ferns, saplings, and slippery, leaf-fall. Jonas’s armpits throbbed from their new weight-bearing role. His hands, too, ached already, and they’d barely been on the move for a half-hour. Maybe if he’d still possessed his Syakaran prowess it would’ve hurt less, but he doubted it. Even with added strength, this would still be new to him.

And – just to add to the delight of having to move in a hurry despite his new reality – his back tingled, waiting for an arrow or, at the very least, a shout of recognition. He was wounded prey.

Now they’d left the roads, he had the added challenge of having to swing the crutch tips over the undergrowth and take care how he placed them, making each and every step slow and hard. Step. He still thought of them as that. Hop seemed too happy, it was something kids did for fun. Jump was distinguished from hop by the presence of a second leg, so it wasn’t a jump. Stride? Perhaps. But stride sounded strong, purposeful. He couldn’t be that under these conditions.

He glanced at Llew, and she returned a brief smile of reassurance, or shared fear, or something. Whatever her intent, he found her presence reassuring.

Rowan walked behind; between Jonas and recognition, or an arrow, but Jonas found little comfort there. It used to be he only needed to keep his senses honed and rely on his enhanced strength and speed to avoid trouble. His new vulnerabilities had amplified the moment he’d climbed out that damned window. He didn’t know how to make peace with his weaknesses. For now, he had to forge on, seething at them. Anger, he knew. Fear was an unknown, and he wasn’t prepared to make its acquaintance.

So far, any time he dared examine his fears, paralysis lurked in the dark.

Luck held and they delved deeper into the forest. Focused only on moving as quickly and quietly as possible, they didn’t speak for— Jonas didn’t know how long. His attention was firmly locked to how to move between trees with crutches – too often he had to sidle between crowded trees, and almost as often the tip of a crutch would slip on a root or sink deep, and he would nearly topple over in his efforts to pull it back out. Leaving the town behind, Rowan pulled away ahead while Llew stuck close, beside Jonas when she could fit, or slipping behind him when single file was required.

“Let me help.” She moved in when, once again, Jonas’s crutch slipped on a root and sunk into soft bog on the other side. Stifling the urge to sigh, he lifted his elbow so she could hook her shoulder under him. She gripped the crutch with both her hands and pulled against the muddy vacuum. Keeping a hold of the crutch, she slipped her arm around his back and helped ease him forward.

It felt all kinds of wrong being so helpless, especially in the heart of Turhmos, and yet, a strange warmth settled in his chest as they worked together as a team to keep him moving. Jonas had always been the one to lift the weight, run to aid, dive into the fray. He was the one others relied on, believed in. He did his duty, did as told. Now he was powerless, broken, and yet, somehow, free. He had never had to rely on anyone, well not since he was drafted into the army, earning his own way since fourteen. Here he was reliant on Llew if he were to have any hope of leaving Turhmos, and that thought didn’t scare him at all because he absolutely could count on her.

“I love you,” he said.

She looked at him, smiled, and squeezed him around the waist. “We’ll get out of here. And when we move back to your farm, with Joelin, you can get all sentimental on me, and I’ll give it back tenfold. Just try and peel me off you, then.” She grinned at him, before sobering and glancing at Rowan’s back. Jonas laughed. She could be quite affectionate when they didn’t have an audience, or she forgot they had one.

“I don’t think they call it sentimental when you gotta be peeled off of someone.”

“Sentimental squared, or multiplied, or whatever. I said tenfold. That puts it in a whole different class than standard sentimentality.”

Jonas found one of his eyebrows seemingly raising of its own accord. He didn’t quite understand what she was saying, but it tickled his humor.

“Let’s get to Merrid and Ard’s,” said Llew. “Rowan built that leg. He can build another—”

“Elka’s got it in the cart,” Rowan called over his shoulder. “Might as well build on what we’ve already got.”

“There we go.” Llew smiled. “Hinden had supplies and Ard’s got a furnace. One step at a time, huh?”

“Or somethin’,” Jonas muttered.

They trudged on in silence again. Well, not talking. There was little chance of silence in the forest. Hours seemed to pass. Jonas’s muscles trembled, hungering for sustenance and rest. He sure hoped Elka made it safely away from her ma’s and wasn’t followed. And he hoped she’d thought to bring food.

***

Llew didn’t want to get up. Her back was deliciously warm curled against Jonas’s torso. Even her bottom and backs of her thighs shared heat with his thighs, and his arm, looped over her waist, provided another counterpoint to the chill biting at her cheeks, and shoulders; one cold and damp against the ground, the other cold and damp from the settled dew and the light breeze whisking through the trees in the pre-dawn.

She supposed they would warm up faster if they got moving. Still, she took a moment to imagine that a new child may already be forming within her belly and what that might mean. She would be able to heal Jonas with a touch. Would carrying his baby allow her to defeat Braph’s bug? Surely. That shared blood connected them in a way nothing else could.

Was it too early to know? How had it worked the first time? One day she’d been normal, and the next she’d gained Syakaran strength. She guessed that was the time the barrier between them would’ve broken, too. Would that still happen now, with Jonas weak as he was? She had to hope so. They were hardly in a good space to raise a child at the moment, either, but they would have months to get that right. In the meantime, they needed to break that Aenuk-Karan barrier if Llew was going to keep Jonas healthy. It would almost certainly make it easier when it came time to attempt to return his powers.

She rolled her hips, pressing back into Jonas.

“Morning,” Rowan said from his watch post only a few steps away.

Right. Yes. Not this morning, then. Llew sighed. Besides, she still didn’t know if she could grow any baby again. Even Syaenuks couldn’t grow back what was no longer there, and she had no evidence the Quaven doctor had left Llew her womb. At her least charitable, she could imagine him taking the opportunity to stop future Aenuks being born. But they had no time to despair over the unknown. Time to get on the road.

“Morning,” she responded.

She went to move Jonas’s arm, hoping he would resist, pull her tight against him and nuzzle the back of her neck, or rise enough to kiss her on the cheek, or behind the ear. It really didn’t matter where. Sadly, his arm remained relaxed and unresponsive as she moved it aside. She sat up and rubbed her shoulders vigorously, generating a modicum of heat that soon dissipated again, but it got a little blood flowing, at least. She looked back at Jonas, expecting to find him blissfully asleep.

His eyes were open, if listless. Lifeless? Like her father in the night.

“Jonas?” she gasped and gripped his shoulder, shaking him. Her eyes burned with the first tears. “Jonas?!”

Jonas’s arm flailed in the air, brushing her hand aside. “Stop. I’m fine. Just tired, ’sall.”

“Thank all that is holy.” Llew released a breath and wiped her eyes with her wrist. “I thought you were gone.” She slapped his shoulder. “Don’t do that to me.”

He grimaced, giving her a flat look.

“Shall we move?” Rowan asked through chattering teeth, rubbing his own arms to warm up. “I’m sure Elka will find us today.”

“Yeah, let’s get going.” Llew jumped up and held out a hand to help Jonas up.

He looked up at her for a few seconds, then raised his arm limply, waving it around a bit, like he was trying to line his hand up with hers, but he was far from making contact. She’d expected he would half sit up, meet her in the middle. She leaned farther, hoping she remained balanced enough not to topple once she took his weight. His hand met hers, his grip far from firm.

“Um—” she started. She thought of letting go to throw herself forward and grasp farther up his arm, but she was pretty sure she’d end up falling on top of him. As tempting as winding him might have been, she would’ve settled for shaking him. It wasn’t time for games.

Jonas relaxed his arm, letting his hand slip from hers. “I’m tired, Llew.”

“That’s why we need to move.” Llew swung her arms, faking enthusiasm. “Get the blood flowing.” She jogged a few paces on the spot. “Warm up, wake up, and all that—”

“No,” Jonas said. “I can’t.”

“‘ Can’t’ . Why not?”

Jonas managed a feeble shrug.

“Are you in pain?”

He shook his head. He hadn’t even lifted it from the ground.

“What’s going on?” Rowan stepped closer.

“I don’t know.” Llew studied Jonas. He hadn’t moved at all, except to brush her hand aside and give her funny looks. “Can you feel your legs— leg?”

She got a flat scowl for that one. “Yes, I can feel everythin’. I just—” He blew his words out, like he was too exhausted to control the breath. “I’m just tired.”

“Okay.” She drew the word out slowly, forcing herself to remain calm and trying to think of what to ask next. “Do you think you can wa—, you know. Get up? I’ll help.” She extended her arm again, bending farther, curving her arm, ready to support more of him.

He lifted his arm and let it flop again.

“No.” For the first time, Llew thought she caught the hint of panic in Jonas’s voice.

“What’s going on?” Rowan asked again.

“How far is the road? Is Elka going to be able to find us here?”

“No, we’re pretty deep. I was planning on making our way closer to the road today.” Rowan frowned down at Jonas.

“Think you can lift him?” Llew asked.

“Yeah, but—”

“Pick him up, and let’s get moving.”

Braph had said Llew could fix Jonas, but that she might need to kill him to do it. That was when he was merely ’normal’. She would almost certainly have to kill him now. She could only hope she carried his baby again, and if not that, the soul in the tree in Taither could connect with him. But Taither seemed even farther away now. If the bug attacking him didn’t stop, he’d most likely be dead before they reached anywhere near the Quaven border.

She closed her eyes and sent out a silent prayer to whatever deity was out there that might listen as she collected Jonas’s crutches. Her knuckles whitened around the wooden aids and Llew breathed through a brief desire to shake Jonas awake. She’d told him she wasn’t losing him, and she’d meant it. She may have lived alone for seven years, but being with Jonas was better. Damn it all.

“Which way to the road?”

Grunting, Rowan heaved Jonas over a shoulder. “That way.” He waved to their left.

Llew forged ahead leaving Rowan to follow. She didn’t intend for him to have to carry Jonas for long, just closer to the road where they could keep watch for Elka. When she caught a glimpse of the dusty trail all traffic heading north from Northhollow took, she signaled a stop.

Rowan stooped and let Jonas slip from his shoulder. Jonas gave every indication of being unconscious, giving himself no aid as he slid to the ground, floppy. But his eyes were open. Rowan puffed out a breath and shook out his arms, rolled his shoulders.

“Thanks.” Llew spared Rowan a brief grateful smile then got down on her knees beside Jonas. “You okay?”

Jonas shook his head, and his ‘no’ was barely audible through the emotion choking him up.

Llew positioned herself as comfortably as possible, dragged his torso into her lap and pressed his head to her chest.

Rowan leaned over them. “Are you going to be able to heal him?”

“I don’t know.” Llew’s words came out hoarse, and not much louder than Jonas had managed. She wrapped both her arms around him and held him to her like her favorite plush pony the morning she’d woken to discover her father had abandoned her. Not abandoned. Led Braph astray. But she hadn’t known that at the time, just as she didn’t know if she could save Jonas. Things would look different when they were safe.

Jonas allowed himself to sob silently into Llew’s embrace. He’d lashed out, hiding his fear behind anger when he’d first begun to lose his powers. That he would allow himself to let go in her arms – let her feel his fears – had a strangely empowering effect on her. His fears were well founded – she was scared, too – but his faith that she could bear his burden with him shored up her determination to do so.

“Stay with me,” she whispered against the back of his head. “Your son will fall in love with you once he gets to know you.”

He stilled at her words, breathing deeply.

“There will be a way,” she said. “All you have to do is stay. I’ll do the rest.”

He relaxed into her, as if he’d fallen asleep. Only the flutter of his eyelashes against her shirt let her know he was conscious.

Rowan rested a hand of Llew’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Llew looked up at him. “Yeah,” she said. Whether it was true, she didn’t know. She wasn’t the one drained of everything she had, she wasn’t the one missing half a limb and, at least for now, she still had Jonas, so she supposed she was okay. But she was beginning to panic. She’d thought they could save the Aenuks and Jonas’s son, whether Jonas regained his full powers or not, but they certainly couldn’t do it if Jonas could barely stand on his own. Everything she’d come to value and hope for since she’d walked out of Cheer lay crumpled against her chest.

“I hope Elka makes it through.”

Rowan squeezed her shoulder. “She’ll make it. Ma wasn’t going to let them see her at the house, so there’s no reason to think she’s compromised.”

“I hope your ma’s okay.” Llew was sick of leaving a trail of hurt and destruction behind them. If only the rest of the world would let them be.

Rowan made a noise in the back of his throat, casting some doubt on his following words, “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Jonas slept, his head in Llew’s lap, his brow furrowed. She kept running a hand through his hair, taking care to work any knots free without hurting him. Less than a month ago his hair had been short. Now, it fell past his shoulders again, magically regrown by Braph to make him more recognizable to the Turhmos public. With that thought, maybe they should have cut it again. She liked it short, and she didn’t. She couldn’t deny that a look from him with his hair short and slightly spiky did things to her that his longer-haired self didn’t quite, but there was still an under-current of revulsion at his resemblance to Braph. She turned her thoughts from the magician, not wanting to invite him into her thoughts, her head.

Rowan placed himself with his back to a tree, just out of clear sight from the road. He nodded to Llew, signaling his alertness, and permission for her to be at ease. With a grateful smile, she let herself forget, for the moment, that they were on the run and hiding. It was just her and Jonas, and they were on their way back to Merrid and Ard’s farm. No hunting parties. No Braph.