The First Workout (and First Collapse)
Caelus had always believed that every great RPG protagonist had a moment of reckoning.
A monster to slay. A betrayal to survive. A dramatic glow-up montage in the forest.
He, on the other hand, had push-ups.
“Okay,” he muttered, staring down at the cracked stone floor of his excuse for a courtyard. “Let’s get this sad show on the road.”
He dropped to his knees, then slowly down to his elbows, and finally into what he hoped was the right position for a push-up. His arms were shaking just trying to hold the pose.
[Tutorial: Physical Training]
>> Congratulations on your first voluntary attempt at not being useless!
>> Strength-Based Activity Detected: Push-Up
>> Current STR: 2
>> Failure Likelihood: 117%
>> Tips: Breathe. Lower. Do not die.
Caelus gritted his teeth. “One. Just one push-up. One fucking push-up.”
He lowered himself.
Everything trembled.
His arms wobbled like overcooked noodles. His chest dipped two centimeters—then gravity, physics, and divine comedy intervened.
With a majestic wheeze, he collapsed chest-first into the ground like a dying pancake.
There was a horrible wet sound.
Then retching.
Then silence.
Ten minutes later, Caelus lay on his back, breathing like a Victorian orphan recovering from consumption. A passing squirrel looked at him with judgment.
“I just… wanted to be strong enough to survive stairs,” he whispered to the clouds. “Dammit!”
[Workout Results]
> Push-Up Attempt: 0.2 successful reps
> Collapses: 1
> Nausea Level: Catastrophic
[Strength +1]
> You have gained your first point of Strength through sheer stupidity and pain.
> STR is now: 3
> – You can now carry a slightly larger loaf of bread. Possibly two apples. Still pathetic.
[New Passive Skill Unlocked: Fragile Determination (Lv. 1)]
> For every failed physical activity, gain a small chance to recover HP and motivation.
> Effect: +1% to keep going when all signs point to quitting. Also: mild emotional damage resistance.
Caelus blinked. “...So vomiting counts as progress?”
[Only in very specific training arcs. Congratulations!]
He rolled onto his side and groaned as his bones popped like overcooked popcorn. “No pain, no gain, right?”
The system helpfully pinged again.
[Quest Complete: Attempt Physical Training Without Dying]
> Reward: +10 EXP, +1 STR, +1 Trauma Point (untracked)
Caelus grinned weakly. “That’s right. Your boy’s leveling up. Slowly. Pathetically. But still.”
He sat up with the grace of an old man recovering from a bar fight and glanced toward the makeshift training dummy he’d fashioned out of a broomstick and a burlap sack.
“Okay, dummy,” he wheezed. “I’m gonna name you Gerald. You will be my punching bag and emotional support enemy.”
Gerald said nothing, because he was a broomstick with hay for brains. A perfect representation of most nobles Jayden/Caelus had met so far.
He then shuffled over and raised a trembling fist. “This one’s for character growth.”
He swung.
His fist hit Gerald with all the force of a polite knock on a wooden door.
Gerald didn’t flinch.
Caelus shook his hand and whimpered.
[Combat Training – Unarmed]
> Impact registered: 0.3 damage (to self)
> Tip: You may want to start with hitting soft things. Like pillows. Or feelings.
>> Progress toward STR +1: 3%
>> Would you like to try again? Y/N
He raised his fist again, then groaned and flopped back onto the ground. “Give me like… three to five business days.”
Hours passed.
Caelus crawled back into his manor at sunset, his legs wobbling and arms still partially jelly. He’d done four push-up attempts (read: one half push-up, two knee trembles, and one majestic collapse). He’d punched Gerald six times and successfully avoided vomiting again only twice.
But...
[Stats Updated]
> STR: 3 → 4
> CON: 1 → 2 (You survived a full workout. Barely.)
> Health slightly improved. Still considered "a tragic noodle" by imperial standards.
[Skill: Beginner Physical Conditioning (Lv. 1)]
> You’re learning what not to do when exercising. Progress!
> Endurance regeneration increased by 2%.
Caelus stared at the screen, sweaty, sore, but undeniably smug.
“I’m getting swole. Like... eventually. Give it time.”
He looked out the broken window toward the golden palace in the distance, glowing like judgment incarnate.
“I’ll show them,” he muttered. “I’ll go from Trash Prince to... Compost King. Then maybe Muscle Overlord. And then…”
He yawned. Loudly.
“…Nap Emperor.”
With a content groan, he collapsed onto his stiff straw bed, Gerald’s broom-handle poking in from the corner like a silent cheerleader.
And just before sleep claimed him, the system whispered:
>> Sleep Detected.
>> Resting bonus applied: +2% EXP to Recovery-based Skills.
[Tomorrow’s forecast: Slight humiliation with a chance of new quests.]
Caelus smiled.
Trash Prince today. Legendary Protagonist eventually.
Maybe.