Battle Barista
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Battle Barista

Action & Adventure Gamelit & LitRPG Fantasy # Everyman Lead # In Space! # Adrenalin Junky # Found Family # Apocalypse # First Contact
Violence Sexual Content Drug Use Alcohol Use Strong Language Gore

Now serving: hot drinks and cold revenge.

Jerry had once been told by a fortune cookie that his life would take a “bold new direction.” At the time, he had scoffed, because he was working a dead-end job at Perky Beans Café, living in a studio apartment that smelled faintly of wet socks, and the boldest decision he had made that week was whether to buy name-brand peanut butter or stick with the generic stuff.

It turned out, the cookie had been right.

It just failed to mention that his bold new direction would involve intergalactic smuggling, highly combustible espresso, and what was—technically speaking—an act of war against an advanced alien civilization that took its beverages very seriously.

Now, armed with an ever-growing skill tree of questionable utility, Jerry has to grind his way up the galactic leaderboard before he’s permanently roasted.

The customer is always right… except when they’re trying to kill you.

1.Book One - Chapter One: A Good Day to Brew Hard
April 28th, 2025
2,234 words
2.Book One - Chapter Two: Prematurely Ejaculated Into the Cosmos
April 25th, 2025
1,948 words
3.Book One - Chapter Three: The Frothy and the Furious
April 28th, 2025
2,426 words
4.Book One - Chapter Four: The Best Part of Waking Up
April 25th, 2025
3,009 words
5.Character Sheet
April 25th, 2025
878 words
6.Book One - Chapter Five: Brewception
April 25th, 2025
3,175 words
7.Book One - Chapter Six: Brewtal Destination
April 25th, 2025
2,902 words
8.Book One - Chapter Seven: Two Soldiers, One Cup
April 27th, 2025
4,436 words
9.Book One - Chapter Eight: Always Room for Improvement
April 27th, 2025
1,828 words
10.Book One - Chapter Nine: Brewmageddon
April 28th, 2025
3,646 words
11.Book One - Chapter Eleven: Your Own Special Chowder
April 29th, 2025
1,988 words
12.Book One - Chapter Twelve: Deez Salty Nuts
May 1st, 2025
2,061 words
13.Book One - Chapter Thirteen: Bean Me Up
May 1st, 2025
2,236 words
14.Book One - Chapter Fourteen: Apocalypse Meow
May 9th, 2025
2,758 words
15.Book One - Chapter Fifteen: Of Mice and Men
May 13th, 2025
3,239 words
16.Book One - Chapter Sixteen: Oink, Oink, Motherfu...
May 16th, 2025
3,855 words
17.Book One - Chapter Seventeen: Deeply Penetrating Protocols
May 17th, 2025
3,147 words
18.Book One - Chapter Eighteen: Charlie Bit Me
May 18th, 2025
3,350 words
19.Book One - Chapter Nineteen: The Hot Dog on a Stick Defense or Guilty Until Proven Innocent
May 23rd, 2025
3,158 words
20.Book One - Chapter Twenty: Are... You... Sentient!?
May 25th, 2025
1,989 words
21.Book One Chapter Twenty-One: Wheel of Morality
May 25th, 2025
2,401 words
22.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Three: The Manager Will See You Now
June 13th, 2025
1,209 words
23.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Four: Smuggle Me Harder
June 13th, 2025
2,045 words
24.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Five: Treasured Chests for Family Jewels
July 2nd, 2025
1,869 words
25.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Six: Meow or Never
July 2nd, 2025
1,155 words
26.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Seven: Never Again
July 2nd, 2025
2,005 words
27.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Eight: Shark Week
July 4th, 2025
1,897 words
28.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Nine: May the Brew Be With You
July 4th, 2025
2,237 words
29.Book One - Chapter Twenty-Ten: Fifty Shades of Goblin
July 4th, 2025
3,117 words
30.Book One - Chapter Thirty-One: Snu-Snu!
July 4th, 2025
1,566 words
31.Book One - Chapter Thirty-Two: Back on Earth
August 31st, 2025
2,077 words
32.Book One - Chapter Thirty-Three: I'll Take Potent Potables for $500
August 31st, 2025
3,250 words
33.Book One - Chapter Thirty-Four: The Last Call
August 31st, 2025
3,251 words
34.Book One - Chapter Thirty-Five: Night of a Thousand Moons
August 31st, 2025
2,651 words
35.Book One - Epilogue: All Ur Base Are Belong To Us
August 31st, 2025
1,593 words
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